Here, In My Room
by nightcaller
Summary: Bella is Jake's girl. Edward intends to change that. Sweaty back seats, stolen glances that cross the line and unrequited love that holds back no more. Edward & Bella AH.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: characters aren't mine. **

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><p><strong>CHAPTER ONE: THE TWO OF YOU<strong>

I can feel my legs sweating, and I try my hardest to keep from touching my outer calf to yours.

The back seat is crowded, but I like it this way, when you sit back here beside me. I can touch you here.

Brown eyes catch mine in the rear view mirror. I still love his eyes. His thick, lush, charcoal lashes provide such a beautiful border.

Bass vibrates through the seat, into my back, and I'm aware that the cotton shirt I'm wearing is damp now.

The passenger side door opens and Jasper gets back into the car.

I see him pass Jake some money as we pull out of the parking garage.

You start mouthing the lyrics to the song playing, and I steal a glance at your lips. Those lips, that felt so good.

Down there.

Last night.

I squeeze my legs together as the guilt stings inside. I _should_ feel bad.

I don't even feel awkward around the two of you, together, anymore. It has all become so routine. To hide these feelings and steal whatever I can, behind closed doors, away from any chance of exposure.

It's become easy to live this lie.

_You_ make it easy...to lie to him everyday.

Even though I say to myself that it's you that makes this lie that I'm living so easy to accept, deep down I know there's more.

The contempt that I feel for him also weighs heavily on my actions.

_Contempt_ is what I feel inside for him now. Hatred for the pain, embarrassment and confusion he caused me to feel. Scorn for knowing what he was doing wasn't right but justifying it in my head as proof that he loved me instead.

Because, If I could make him _that_ angry, he had to love me, right?

After all, when my father got that angry with my mother, it was only because he loved her so much, right?

To know that Jake loved me just as much as I loved him, was all I needed to keep my mouth closed. To cover the bruises. To forgive him.

To take him back.

Again and again.

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><p><strong>AN: A huge thank you to Crooked Smile, who encouraged me to go forth with this after reading the guts of it on an early March morning of 2011. This story started with one small excerpt out of the middle, and she encouraged me to get the beginning and the end out, so all my love to her. Thanks so much for stopping by :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine.**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER TWO: PUSH-PULL<strong>

I feel his hand caress the back of my knee as he pulls to the traffic light. From the middle of the back seat, I spot a McDonald's and instantly crave a fountain coke as Jake switches lanes.

For some reason, as lame as it sounds, I have always loved being high, crammed in the car with people that I like, listening to good music while riding around.

I have special privileges when it comes to doing things like this- going on runs with the guys. I've been around most of them since I was little, so they consider me to be one of them. They know I won't roll on them. As feminine as I am, I know that they see me as one of the boys.

The car slows down and I know that Jake knows what I want. He has spotted the McDonalds as well and we pull into the drive through.

A pang of guilt flows straight to my stomach and I no longer want a soda. Then I feel your pointer finger gently stroke the under side of my forearm and I smile, leaning my head against the leather.

It is insane, my life.

The push-pull I put myself through every day just to keep the two of you. I want to look at you but I cannot because emotions are so high that everyone in the car will know my inner thoughts if I look you in the eyes right now.

Therefore, I just smile, and lay my head against the leather as the bass lowers and Jake orders two cokes and three fudge sundaes.

Minutes later, Emmett has already killed his sundae and you haven't touched yours. You want me to take a bite. I know you do.

You're so thoughtful like that.

You never take a bite of your food before I touch mine when we're together. You've put your sundae in the cup holder in front of me and started breaking up some bud.

I grab your spoon and pull out an ice-cold delicious bite of creamy vanilla heaven. God, it tastes so good with my Coke.

I glance at you as I pull the spoon out of my mouth. I feel the corners of my mouth spread wide with my happiness. You're beautiful.

Your head is positioned behind Jake's headrest and straight in line with mine so that you can tell me everything you want to with your eyes, with no threat of Emmett or Jake seeing.

Jasper is counting money; we both know he isn't paying attention to our slow motion love affair back here.

As your fingers break the bud, your eyes are on mine, burning an intense fire. I can't stay locked into your gaze so I bail out for a glance at the perfect pile you've made on the CD case. I glance back up to your eyes and they are still on mine. You wink at me as you pull a pack of papers from your wallet. I watch your beautiful hands mold the mound of bud into a perfect cigarette-shaped joint.

The bass is high again and I'm feeling fuzzy from the weed I've already smoked today so I just smile at you in contentment as you look back to me.

Your eyes piercing mine, you take the joint, bring it to your lips and lick it sealed with a smirk as you put it behind your ear.

You know what you do to me.

I watch your hand move in slow motion towards my legs. I watch you, watching me, for my reaction and I'm on high alert as your hand moves closer to me.

Closer to the area between my legs.

Lightning strikes there.

I start to tense up and then you do it.

You grab your sundae.

Fucking tease.

Thank God.

I hear you let out a breathy laugh to yourself as I squeeze my thighs together.

As I release my knees from the clench, that provided me no relief, I feel Jake's fingers find their way back into the crease of my knee as he holds the steering wheel with his other hand.

I look to the front seat and my focus shifts to the mirror as I see him eyeing you.

Did he just see all of that? Did he watch me flood with euphoria as I looked at you? Does he know something is going on?

_Fucking hell_. I'm so high that I've completely forgotten where I was for at least thirty seconds. I look next to me to see that Emmett is concentrating on his phone. Looks like he's trolling. Jasper is still working on the fudge stuck to the side of his sundae cup and Jake is now staring straight at me.

Panic starts to roll through me as I adjust my position.

"Hey, E."

I hear him speak but you don't. You're into the song as you mouth the words and bring a spoonful of ice cream to your mouth. You look at me before you open your mouth but I don't look back at you because I know he's watching.

I slightly nudge you with my elbow and you hold the sundae out for me to take again. You think I want more. I can't even look at you because I'm watching at Jake, whose attention is alternating between you, me and the road.

I feel Emmett reach behind me and across the seat to flick the back of your head.

"Yo, E!"

I hear Jake call you again as the car sets back into motion.

Your elbow is in my space as you place the sundae in the cup holder and bring the joint from behind your ear to your lips and licking it sealed one more time...keeping your cool while I fall apart.

"Yeah"

You look up into the rear view mirror at Jake.

Every muscle in my body tightens as the two of you look at each other. _Can you read each other's thoughts? Is this it? Is it gonna go down right now, right here, in this car?_

You won't let him hurt me. I say this to myself over and over to remain calm.

Jake glances at me and then back to you as he says "So where were you last night? Everybody showed but you."

I hear your lighter flick as my jaw tightens.

"I told you yesterday that I wasn't going to make it." You bring the joint to your lips as if what Jake is asking is no big deal. "You don't listen to me," you say as you take a pull and inhale while looking at the joint and then back to him.

You stare him straight in the eyes. No lies from you, just straight forward answers.

"Shit was badass E. Fuckin' girls every where. You know Alec's gonna be gettin' pussy on the side now that he's finally open," Emmett says as he winks at me when I look at him with disgust.

Alec and Victoria have been together for as long as I can remember. I can't imagine one without the other.

My heart stops when I feel your hand on my chin as you turn my face to yours.

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><p>AN: Reviews mean so much. Your thoughts help me along this journey, so thanks :) For all of you Judgey-McJudgersons out there, give Bella a chance before you judge her. She's given this more thought than you might think.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine.**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER THREE: STARDUST<strong>

You no longer care about touching me in front of him. You've started acting like you used to, before we ever went _there-_before we crossed that line_, _as if every touch is warranted by innocent friendship.

I see the joint in your mouth and I automatically open mine. You tilt my head and bring your face so close.

_So_ close.

Your eyes are wide open, staring into mine, burning your quiet thoughts into me, as I pull the smoke you blow out of your mouth, into mine. The thumb that was on my cheek has moved to rub loving caresses on my neck as you finish the shotgun.

I don't want to look away from your gaze. I just know I will stare right in that mirror and find Jake seeing the truth in my eyes.

I feel your forearm graze my nipple as you pass the joint to Emmett. You apply tickle light pressure with an upward stroke and my eyes are back in the mirror but my mind is back in my bedroom, on the phone with you last night, before we came together and changed our worlds.

I had not cheated when Jake had accused me.

However, after so many accusations, I did.

I finally did.

And I _loved_ it.

And I loved _you_.

You were everything and anything I never knew I had or wanted. So new-to-me and surreal. Everything I had known of love before then was stardust compared to the planets I viewed that night.

You werelove. _Real_ love.

All of the kisses we shared hastily were quickly becoming not-enough.

We needed more. The connection we shared was too intense, we needed more.

We needed naked skin to naked skin. Your chest to my chest. Dripping sweat and words exchanged that would reign true throughout time.

You called. I answered.

It was another one of those nights.

One of those nights that I had been emotionally taken advantage of and rejected. One of those nights that he had told me that 'I didn't love him enough and that I was a slut and all I did was fuck other motherfuckers and make him look like an idiot.'

You called. I answered.

_"Hello?"_

_"Hey."_

_Smile._

_"Hey."_

_Heartbeat._

_"I want to see you tonight."_

_Pounding heartbeats._

_"I want to see you too."_

_Smile_

_"I want to** really** see you tonight."_

_Smile._

_Shaky breath._

_"Come over. Stay with me tonight."_

_"Come to your house?"_

_"Yes_."

_"Okay. Rose is here, I'll see if I can just catch a ride with her."_

_I realize that I'm whispering._

_I could almost hear you smile through the phone._

_"I can't wait to see you."_

_Deep breath._

_"I know how you feel."_

_Your voice is low and needy when you speak._

_"I'll see you soon then."_

_Smile_

_"See you soon."_

The music stops and I realize the car has stopped as well. We are back at Jake's house and everyone is getting out of the car.

I'm in a fuzzy daze as I step out onto the driveway. I bring my hand up to my brow to shade my eyes from the bright sun. I glance at my car and then at you.

You already have your keys in your hand with your back turned to me. Jake comes up behind me and wraps his arm around my midsection. I feel his lips on my ear as he says "Come on; let's go inside, I've got something in my pocket that I know you'll love."

I am not interested in getting high and making out in the middle of the day with Jake anymore. I just want to know where you're going. I want to come with you.

I turn around and look at Jake, which is a bad idea because his lips are now on the corner of my mouth and I can see you out of the corner of my eye.

You turn around and you see.

You don't like it.

It's different now.

Everything is different now.

After last night.

Even through the intensity of this moment, I cannot stop myself from revisiting last night. My mind starts to tumble back through the whispers, the sweat, the look in your eyes and the way it felt when you stretched me to fit you.

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><p>AN: Your reviews not only make me squee out loud, but they help me along this journey as well. Thank you :) Infinite thanks to surething302 and SereneInNC for their support.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR: DON'T ASK**

The memories of last night flood my mind and Jacobs words are like a far away, mumbled echo as I zone out of the moment and back into the night, with you, just hours ago.

_My heart pounded and ticklish tingles ran from my shoulders down through my elbows, shooting out of each fingertip. My tummy turned somersaults as I thought about an entire night with you and what I was about to do._

_I looked at my phone and pressed the menu to go back to Jake's last text._

**I'm not gonna be able to stop by before Alec's party. I know you said we need to talk but I think it's best we just let it go tonight. I'll pick you up tomorrow before I go on my run.**

_I clicked back to the menu to glance at your number._

_Butterflies_

_I looked at Rosalie. She was standing in my mirror leaning over at a 90-degree angle. She was pulling all of the boob skin she could gather, into the middle of her chest, to press between the pads of her newest push up bra._

_"Rosalie!" I whisper-yelled._

_"Take me to Em and Edward's with you?"_

_She stood up still looking in the mirror, flattening the material over her torso._

_She looked over her shoulder at me, sitting on my bed holding my phone, while I eyed her in the mirror. My sister was beautiful. She wasn't plain like me. I loved her long, dark, shiny hair that curled just right at the ends. Her b-cups were just enough to make her look feminine, and her butt was to die for. I sometimes envied her._

_"Tonight?" She asked with a wicked grin on her face._

_I smiled at her as I shook my head with my reply. "Uh-huh."_

_Yes, I wanted to go see Jess and the girls bad, but I needed to see you more._

_I needed the connection that we had. I needed to know that this thread that we had between us, couldn't be cut with scissors. I needed to know that we were more than that and not all of this was a figment of my imagination._

_"What about Jake?"_

_"Don't ask."_

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><p><em>Just one hour after telling Rose "Don't ask," we pulled up in front of your house.<em>

_I cringed at the sound as I slammed her car door shut and immediately regretted my mistake. I wasn't nervous; I was just so intent to get inside, to you __that I wasn't thinking when I pushed harder than I meant to._

_It was almost ten pm. The trees towered above me and the lamppost draped the most beautiful, freeing, midnight-silent light on me as I walked towards the front porch stoop._

_I heard the creak of your side screen door opening before I reached the halfway mark of your driveway._

_You knew that I was there. You wanted me there._

_With you._

_Alone._

_I wanted to be there._

_With you._

_Alone._

_I felt my lips curl into a smile as Rose jogged past me and in through the front door._

_You stepped out into the light of the night and I felt my excitement bubbling up. In that moment I didn't care that my boyfriend, whom I had been in lust-love with since I was seventeen years old, didn't love me._

_I didn't care that Jake was most likely with another girl. Most likely one of my friends that wouldn't look me in the eye on Monday. I didn't care about any of that. I cared that I was there._

_I only cared that you wanted me, and were happy to see me there._

_You smiled._

_I smiled back._

_"Hi."_

_"Hi."_

_Knowing smiles were on both of our faces as feet treaded concrete to come closer._

_We met each other. My face came up to the middle of your chest._

_My eyes studied the in-between of your pectorals. I could see their definition through your green, soft cotton._

_You're so otherworldly. You aren't common. So rare, different and giant size beautiful._

_Your arm wrapped around me and the embrace was more than just a hug._

_It was home._

_It was still, happy, and safe._

_We both stood in that embrace and reveled in the feeling as my inhale gave way to your exhale. Your fingers moved to to my shoulders as you pressed me at arms length to look at my face. Your wicked grin didn't prepare me for what was to come, though it should have._

_Suddenly, I was upside down, watching your shoes as you carried me over your shoulder, into your house and up to your room._

_I couldn't stop giggling._

_I didn't expect you to do that. I was so content just being there, standing in your arms._

_I bounced; butt first, onto your bed._

_The room was dark, save for a few fluorescent lights._

_I balanced on my elbows as I looked at you, standing there in the dark._

_Staring … at me from the foot of your bed._

_Your eyes were dark, and your expression said everything I needed to know about what we were going to do that night._

_I was ready._

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><p><strong>AN: I hope you are enjoying this story as much as I enjoyed finally getting it out of me. The motivation to actually get this story out of my head instead of letting it sit there, comes from reading authors that influence me daily. Seven authors, in particular, have influenced me for over a year now. If you haven't read their stories, you should. Check out jarkin33, FictionFreak95, yellowglue, rochelle allison, BellaDonnaCullen, TroubleFollows1017 and A White Blank Page. Special thanks to surething302 and SereneInNC for their support.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine.**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER FIVE: A CHANGE IS GONNA COME<strong>

I'm pulled from my memories of last night when I feel Jake's hands on mine, moving to my wrists.

I can see Jasper and Emmett going into Jake's house and I hear them talking about the opening last night. Rose told me about it when I got home this morning, so I tuned them out.

I'm still _so_ high. The sun is _so_ fucking bright. Today would be a great day to be in the mountains. Oh God, in the woods. Alone… with you. Would you fuck me against a tree? Would you put your mouth on…

_Focus_

I see you leaning against your car with one foot on the door, keys in your hand, looking at me. Looking at Jake and me. My muscles tense as I come back to the now.

I want to leave. I just can't stay here, with Jake. I can't_ be_ with Jake anymore. This wasn't even supposed to happen this way. We were supposed to talk this morning. I had planned on telling him that I couldn't do this anymore. And now, everything's fucked and I'm high.

I immediately blurt out my escape. I have to be with you and it's clear that you aren't staying here.

"Jake, I can't stay. I told you last night that we need to talk, but."

I look to the ground. I glance at you.

Guilt.

Nausea.

Jake and I are standing inches from each other, his hands wrapping around my wrists. I can sense how you must be feeling, watching us.

Watching this.

Jake's hands move to bring my face back to his, so that I am looking at him.

"Come on, come inside," he gestures with his head towards the house.

I stare him in the eye. He's so manipulative and I'm still this weak, infatuated girl when it comes to being with him in person.

In my head, or when I'm away from him, I am strong. I speak up and say things like "No" and "I don't want come in, I need to go." Nevertheless, it's different when I'm around him. His body alone has influence over me, as if an alpha's order delivered. I just do what Jake wants whether I want to or not. Because, anything for him, right? Because I'm so infatuated by him that I don't want to be without him, right?

Not after last night.

No, last night changed _everything_.

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><p>Amidst this awkward situation in the driveway at Jake's house, I'm still dazed in thoughts of how everything has changed.<p>

The glances between us that quietly exchanged interest in one another, a few months ago, changed everything.

The way you would look at my body from across the room instead of just my eyes, changed everything.

The first time you told me I was beautiful, changed everything.

The words you whispered in my ear that time we all went swimming and I hung to the ladder, facing you, blocking you from getting out of the pool, changed everything.

The way you kissed me on the golf course that same night, our hair still wet from the pool, changed everything.

I slowly look up into Jake's eyes.

I whisper, because I know that Jake hates to be embarrassed more than anything. If people hear, it is going to be ten times worse. However, out here, with you nearby, I don't feel as scared. With you here, and now that I have you, I feel I have something much more valuable to live for now. I feel that I have something to look forward to, other than a silly infatuation that is meaningless and unreciprocated.

"Jake, I can't do this anymore."

You are inches from us now. Jake's hands drop from my face and I see that he's thinking. He looks back to me and says in a low, hushed voice "What do you mean _this_ Bella? You saying you don't wanna be with me anymore?"

I whisper and take a step back. You are there. Your side catches mine.

He backs up from me and flashes a sarcastic grin.

"_You're_ breaking up with _me_?

He is staring at me in disbelief. How could he not think this would happen eventually?

"This is a joke, right?"

He breathes out and his eyes are boring into mine. He laughs to himself and shakes his head. I can feel you wrap your arm around me. This is my confirmation that you don't care. You're with me in this.

I am not alone.

Jake eyeballs your hand on my waist. "And what the fuck are you doing, E? You fuckin' Bella?"

Your hand on my waist and the look on my face say it all. No reason to lie. My face, my body, my energy _all_ scream that I am tired of fighting it. That it is_ you_ that has changed me.

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><p>AN: Thanks so much to all of you who have reviewed, fav'd and alerted- I love you guys like I love peanut butter and honey and to know that some of you relate, hate, love and get into this story honestly makes me smile so big. There's nothing like feeling like your work is understood and accepted, so thank you.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX: THE BLAME GAME**

"You did this!" Jake shoves you and you stumble back two steps but quickly gain your footing while taking one giant stride to meet him. Towering over him, you stare down into his eyes with an I-dare-you look on your face.

"I did this?" You look directly in his eyes, all calm, no anger. "You've been dipping your dick in every pussy attached to a pretty face since you met her, Jake. You don't fucking _deserve_ her." You're gritting your teeth and seething now. "You don't even _love_ her. You get so fucked up on that shit you're pushin' that you remain oblivious to the truth. If you loved her you would have noticed _me_ keeping her company each time you left to go on your runs, _Jake_." Jake looks at you with surprise as if this were the last thing on earth he expected to hear. Jake looks at you with hurt evident on his face. "If you _loved_ her you would have known where she was last night, _Jake_." You say his name with disgust as the last part of his name cuts through your teeth.

Jake's face quickly goes from a look of disappointment to anger as he leans back to throw a punch while you ease out of the way as he misses. You remain calm, standing your ground as Jake recovers from the missed punch and he turns in my direction.

My stomach is not so good. I am caught between disgust and nausea. Jake has been cheating on me the entire time we've been together. Granted, I found out about some. I forgave him after he begged and pleaded that he was drunk and they came on to him. It was different now. Hearing it aloud from other people made it click, somehow. As if the bruises were not enough. I have been so stupid. I have been blind.

I have been just as awful as he has.

I am just as much as to blame. I am no better than he is. I knew that you were his friend. I knew the way we looked at each other, when one of us entered a room, was more than just a curious glance. It has all become so complex, so fast. Jake and I might deserve each other for being the shitty people that we both are but…

I am no longer motivated to stay with Jake.

"Bella, get in your car and let me handle this." Your eyes are on Jake, sizing him up, making sure he is not going to make any more moves, and I hear you speak again.

"Go. I'll call you in a few minutes. Let me handle this."

I move to go to my car and I can feel it. I feel the heat of the hateful energy burning into my back and I know its coming. Fear fizzles throughout my bones but I keep walking, knowing that you will protect me. I reach my car and grab for the door and my head jerks back as I let out a painful scream.

Jake has me by my hair. Pulling-pulling so hard and saying things I cannot comprehend because I am so full of adrenaline from the situation.

"Get your hands off of her or I swear to_ fuck_ I will cut your throat."

My head stings as some of the hair pulls out while the other strands in his hand twist and lifts skin away from my scalp. My eyes are watering, quickly turning to tears as I bend backward, leaning into the pull. I will do whatever I can to close the space between my head and Jake's hand.

He is not letting go.

I hear the flick of your knife as it unfolds and I panic. "No! Edward, No!" I scream, imagining the worst. No longer caring about my hair, I turn my head to see Jake trying to get out of your grasp and I see you meeting his thigh with your knife.

He groans loudly as he lets go of my hair, grabbing his knee and kneeling on the ground. You kick him to the side as you bend down to me. Tears spill over as you pick me up.

Your arm is around me as we drive away. In mere minutes I am in your passenger seat of your car, as we speed down the street, leaving Jake bleeding in the driveway and my car in front of his house.

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><p>AN: Sorry if any of this squicked you but it's real life, it happens. Thank you so much for reading and for your reviews :) Thank you to Surething302 for always being there. Edward and Bon Qui Qui are tight.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Have a nice day.**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER SEVEN: ACCELERATE<strong>

I am broken. I am angry, resentful and hurt. However, you are beside me. The realization that I am free and the hopes of what is to come, bring slight relief to me. It could have been worse.

Your arm moves from around me to grab your phone.

"Emmett, I need you to do something for me. Bella's keys are under her floor mat. Bring her car to the house."

Silence

"No. Shit just went down."

Silence

"Yes Emmett! Right there in the fu... nevermind just tell him one thing for me. Tell him that he's lucky I didn't slit his throat for putting his hands on her and I won't hesitate if he ever comes near her again. I'll fucking kill him. Can you tell him that for me please?"

Silence

"See you at the house."

You lay your phone on the middle console and grab my hand. I'm still shivering though it's summertime. My nerves, emotions and pain are visible as I tremble.

"Bella, I'm so sorry that I didn't protect you. I'm so sorry that he was able to put his hands on you."

I can see the anguish on your face. The last thing I want is for you to blame yourself for the fucked up situation that I have put us in. It's no one's fault but my own. In the very least, I deserved it. It could have been so much worse.

"I'm gonna get you home. To my house. I'm just so fucking sorry Bella."

The car accelerates and I can tell that this is affecting you just as much as it is me.

I need to say something to distract you.

I suck up my emotions; wipe my tears and lean over to kiss you on your neck.

"Don't be. Don't be sorry for my freedom from him for one second. You're worth it Edward. What we did last night is worth it. What we have is worth the fight."

"Bella, don't ever think that anything is worth another person laying their hands on you. No one deserves that shit._ No one_ deserves that, _especially_ not a woman. It's abuse and it's fucked up. What else has he done to you?"

I smell your skin and your hair as I move up to your ear. I remember the way you told me it felt good when I gently sucked on your earlobe last night. "I can't talk about this right now. I just want to lie down. Can we just go lie in your bed? I just want you to hold me. I just want to be with you."

Your hand tightens around mine.

Five minutes later, I walk into your room.

The way you stood, looking at me from the foot of your bed last night brings butterflies to my tummy and sweet, sweet memories to my mind.

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><p>AN: Victims of physical abuse often times blame themselves until they have been free from abuse for some time. You don't quite see clearly from the inside. Anyone who has been affected by any form of abuse can most likely identify with that statement. Thank you so much for your reviews and alerts. Your interest and your reviews blow my mind and I'm forever grateful for all of the encouragement. Here comes the good stuff, are you ready?


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine.**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 8: LAST NIGHT<strong>

Last night, your moves were so calculated. You knew exactly what you wanted out of each moment. I did as well. I am thinking about last night as I crawl onto your bed and I feel my tummy tingle with the first memory. I feel your hand on my hip as you come up behind me. I feel you envelop me as we lie here together and I remember being here, in the dark with you, last night.

_I felt a little bashful as you removed my shoe. You kissed my ankle before you took the other shoe off. I heard it hit the floor as you reached over your shoulders, with your arms crossed, and lifted your shirt. Abs that peeked out from beneath the soft, green cotton were barely visible, yet the fluorescent light illuminated just enough to make me feel a little dizzy and so full of lust._

_Higher and higher, the green lifted like a curtain until the material gathered underneath each armpit._

_Your elbows moved and, slowly, I watched you pull your shirt over your head, until it was off._

_I looked at you, at your chest._

_You were standing in front of me, wearing only jeans, staring straight at me._

_Chills._

_Shirt tossed over the chair, you climbed onto the bed and straddled my legs. You were huge above me and my eyes were drawn to your jeans, your belt, your chest and up-up-up to your eyes. So gorgeous._

_You softly blinked as you smiled down at me and then you reached with both hands to my waist as you hovered above. Your hands were soft and warm as they rubbed a straight line from my belly button to my neck. Your face was now closer, and I could sense you inhale right above me. Your hands moved to my neck. I felt giggly but I held it in because I did not want to ruin the moment. Your eyes were so amazing in the florescent blue, purple, yellow and red and lights._

_Your mouth was so close to mine and as soon as your lips touched my lips, the blood began to rush. Lightly at first, your open mouth kisses were just that. I felt your tongue dance lightly on mine and a burst of confetti emotion just popped open inside of me._

_I immediately missed your lips on mine when I felt the soft trail of kisses move to my cheek, down to my neck and then back up to my ear. Your voice was low and the need was thick when you spoke._

_"Do you ever think about fucking me?"_

_Lightning struck between my legs as you lifted to look me in the eyes._

_You had never said anything so provocative to me. Pure want and desperate need were the only emotions identifiable with my next movements. I moved my hands from your upper back down to your butt as I grabbed, pushing you into me._

_"Yes."_

_Your jeans pressed against my middle, I could feel the ridge of your zipper and I wanted to feel so much more._

_So much more of you._

_I was breathing hard already. My body moved without my consent. You had taken me over with just a few sweet kisses and six sexy words._

_One hand moved from your butt to your chin as you ground into me and I lifted up to kiss you. Softly sucking your tongue into my mouth to show you._

_To show you the need I had for you._

_Your lips were like silky pillows as you sealed another kiss and spoke with lips still on mine, eyes wide open._

_Grind._

_"Is it me, you think about when he's inside of you?"_

_Thrilling tingles rushed through me hearing you say those things to me._

_Your hip moved over to rest on the bed as your knee came up to meet my most sensitive place._

_I covered your lips with want once more and you broke the kiss, soft and sweet with a peck. You would not give me your tongue again. Not until I had answered your questions._

_Satisfied your curiosity._

_Your hand moved down, down to my knee and then softly, slowly caressed upward, under my skirt. I felt your fingers right where I wanted them. Right where my blood pooled and my secrets lay._

_"Is it me, you think about when he's inside of you? Tell me."_

_Tingle_

_"It's you. It's been you for months now." I whispered with want._

_Your eyes were serious. You were fully focused. All concentration._

_You kissed me as you brought your arm under my neck to cradle my head as your fingers pulled my panties to the side._

_Tingle._

_My heart was pounding and my legs unconsciously spread wider with the anticipation of your touch. I knew, without a doubt, that I was already wet._

_I opened my eyes and yours were open too. We kissed like this… with my hand on your ribs, your hand on me… between my legs._

_My eyes closed with pleasure as I felt the softest fingertip slide so lightly between my slickest skin. Your finger slid up and down my velvet pink and I could feel how aroused I must have been when you moved your finger slid in tight circles, slowly over the top of me. Your finger continued to dance up and down, in twirly circles as feelings of ecstasy bubbled up inside. I closed my eyes as I let out a soft moan when your finger went lower, away from my most tender spot._

_"Look at me. I want you to look at me while I explore you. Don't close your eyes. I want you to see how much I want you."_

_Kiss_

_Your eyes burned into me. "I want you to see how much I enjoy doing these things to you. Don't close your eyes."_

_Kiss_

_I smiled. "Okay." I blinked bashfully at you and you smiled back. I noticed your chest, the definition of muscles in your neck, shoulders and your pectorals._

_A butterfly fluttered through me as you leaned down to kiss my neck and then you whispered in my ear. My eyes continued to gaze down your chest, the trail of hair that led to the place I had thought about for months now. I could see that you wanted me through your jeans and it made me buck my hips as your fingers explored and you whispered into my ear._

_"You don't know how long I've waited for you. To have you in my bed like this-to be this close to you."_

_Your fingers pressed against me then._

_"To touch you here. I've tried to imagine, dozens of times, what you would feel like... taste like."_

_Your finger moved back up my slick center and you made slow, soft swirls as you spread my arousal around._

_"Do you ever think about me touching you like this?"_

_I inhaled, spread wider and brought my lips to yours to kiss you. I wanted your tongue. I just wanted to suck on your tongue as you touched me that way but you wouldn't give in. You wanted my full attention._

_"Do you ever imagine me doing this to you, Bella?"_

_Your eyes bored into mine. Your masculine, sharp jaw, skilled fingers, beautiful mouth, crystal eyes and the sex in your tone drove me wild._

_ "Yes." I squeezed my eyes shut as my body tensed with need. _

_"God, yes." _

_I tried to suckle on your tongue again as you teased me with just the tip of your finger but you wouldn't give me a distraction to lose myself in. You wanted me to stay there in each moment with you. You wanted one hundred percent and I got it. I understood, because I wanted the same thing. You wanted me to experience every thing I saw and felt, not just get lost in the orgasm or the touch of your fingers but to commit each moment to memory. You told me this._

_"Open your eyes Bella. I want you to remember every second of this. Don't close your eyes. Look at me."_

_Your finger moved to press against my entrance._

_I was feeling so many things at once. I was so turned on, slightly embarrassed, intimidated, and I was a bit insecure._

_You seemed so confident-so experienced and I wondered briefly if you had said these same things to other girls. I questioned if you had done these same things to someone else._

_My moment of insecurity quickly passed as you kissed me again, eyes wide open and you spoke, mouth still on mine._

_"I want you to watch me while I discover you. Don't hide in the pleasure, be here with me, and share this with me." A rush of pleasure was unleashed as your finger slowly, so fucking slowly, I felt it enter me._

_My walls pulsed and squeezed with want, as I felt you bend your finger inside to prod that spot that made me feel so much at one time. That one spot, inside, that could make me come undone with just the right amount of pressure. Another finger joined and took the same hook shape as you teased me with two slow pumps. Your thumb rubbed soft circles over my clit as you moved your fingers inside of me and I wanted to let it all go right then and there._

_In_

_Blink_

_Out_

_Inhale_

_In_

_Blink_

_Out_

_I exhaled as a pleasant shivers ran through me. The feeling was so intense as you nudged and pressed right there. Right in those perfect spots inside and outside._

_My eyes staring into yours, your mouth on mine, you broke the kiss and lifted up just enough to bring the fingers that were inside me, to your lips._

_You stared intensely as your fingers slowly disappeared into your mouth and one by one, reappeared. Your thumb separated my bottom lip from the top one as you leaned back down to my face, took my lip into your mouth, and sucked just lightly enough to make me physically hurt between my legs._

_"The way you taste. I've been curious for so long. It's everything Bella. It's beautiful."_

_Your smile was so bright as you spoke again. "I'll eat you alive, girl." You growled as you leaned back down to bury your head in my neck. _

_I brought my hand to the hair at the back of your neck and just breathed. I was lost. I closed my eyes and was so lost in an emotional cloud and I could only shakily breathe in and out and feel the flutters. It was too intense to look you in the eye as you said these things to me. It was just too much. It was embarrassing to be honest._

_I heard your zipper open and I could feel the loss of your touch in the most painful way. Your fingers found their way back to me as I moved my thigh to search out what you had unzipped. It was hard as a rock but the flesh was silky soft on my thigh._

_"Open up, baby" You kissed my eyelids and I opened my eyes to look at you and you were smiling._

_You were smiling and it was the most beautiful thing in this world. Your teeth and the whites of your eyes were glowing from the black light which only made the moment so much more bizarrely beautiful._

_Your hand moved to tug on my panties._

_"Let's get these off of you."_

_Your tongue was in my mouth that time and your hands were all over me. My eyes were wide open, staring into yours as we kissed and my body free fell into feelings of luscious lust. The words 'I love you' traveled through my mind but I didn't dare say them._

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this. This is so therapeutic, getting this out of my head. Thank you to all of you, that read and review :) I love you guys and your reviews more than the beloved satin quilted jacket Gosling wears in Drive.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Ohai there. Still not mine :)**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 9: LOVE IS A VERB<strong>

**EPOV**

_Drip - drip._

_Drop._

_Wiggle._

_Drip._

_I tugged my boxers closed and zipped my pants while glancing in the mirror to my right._

_Hair everyfuckingwhere._

_Navy blue cotton tee, tweed belt, khaki pants and always, always my watch._

_I glanced back to my face._

_Red eyes._

_Fuck, I was high._

_Reaching into my pocket, I fumbled around for some Visine. I knew I had some drops in there somewhere._

_I unscrewed the lid while I listened to the commotion going on outside the door. Music was playing loudly. The sounds of Kavinsky filled the house, and for the first time since I moved there, it felt good to be around people._

_Warm drops splashed into my eye from above as I squeezed, blinked, squeezed, blinked and repeated in the other eye._

_As I screwed the lid on the drops the door opened._

_"Shit! Holy shit," she scolded herself._

_Her hand covered her mouth. "Oh my gosh," she laughed. "I am sooo sorry," The pretty girl said as she looked away with a smile on her face. She was backing away with her hand over her eyes._

_I could only see her lips and a pretty smile._

_She was laughing at herself._

_I said nothing, just put my bottle of eye drops back in my pocket and walked towards her with a look-what-we-have-here smirk on my face, until I was standing directly in front of her._

_Under the door frame we stood as I looked down at four shiny black fingernails with sparkling hazels peeking through._

_"I'm wearing clothes you know." I smiled down at her._

_She slowly uncovered her face and just smiled for a minute while we looked at each other, realizing we were in the same small house but had never seen each other before._

_"I should have knocked." She bit her lip. I was making her nervous._

_"Where's the fun in that?" I said, half mocking her. "Although, you might have been in trouble had you walked in just seconds earlier." I gave a small wink as I walked off._

_I was going to find out more about her._

Thinking back to that moment two and half months ago makes me feel like a king. I had come so far…

Tonight... _she_ will come, because love is a verb here, in my room.

She's so beautiful here. Spread out before me. I can't count the times I've imagined this very moment.

My hand touches her thigh as I glance back to her beautiful hazels.

Here in my room, love is a verb.

Bella will know the meaning of _real_ love after tonight, inside _and_ out.

I intend to define that word with every touch, every stroke, every sweaty, heart pounding thrust I extend.

Love is a _verb_ here, in my room.

Her fingertips graze my elbow as I reach for the strings around her hips. I want to study her watching me as I pull these off of her. As I get closer to showing her, but I can't seem to tear my eyes from each inch of skin that is revealed as I pull.

This moment.

It seems like forever that I've waited for _this_ moment.

After tonight I won't wonder how it feels to have her calf pressed to my shoulder. I won't wonder how much intensity she can take before she simply weeps from the inside out, eyes _and_ body.

I intend to define every sense of this word, _love_, tonight.

I intend to make her mine. Just as I said I would from the first moment I saw her.

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><p>AN: Incubus and Brandon Boyd had everything to do with this chapter here :) Reviews are very much appreciated, thanks to all who give this a glance. Here we go :)


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 10: AS BIG AS MINE<strong>

I stroked myself against her just to feel her skin on mine. Right there. Right where I needed it. I reached to her other hip as I felt the blood coursing through my veins, and the need to be inside her overwhelmed, but I wouldn't rush this. I had a plan. A strategy. I would make her mine.

Elastic stretched in my fingertips as I pulled the strings down, down, down from her hips. Soft, whispered words fell from her lips. Electric blue and green hues lit up the dark bedroom making the white sheets glow. Tucking myself back in, I got on my knees, bending over her as I pulled her panties off and tossed them on the floor. Her eyes were on mine. I could see in the way she was biting her lip and squirming, moving her knees back together, that she was feeling shy. I could also see that she wanted me.

She wanted this just as much as I did.

"_Let me see you, baby."_

The fluorescent light in the room made her shine. She glistened for me. So silky, so perfect.

"_Open back up. Don't hide, baby. You're beautiful. So fucking beautiful."_

I stood beside the bed and let my jeans fall to the floor, pushing them aside as she reached for me and I inhaled sharply at her touch. She was just as needy for me as I was for her. Her hand cupped my balls as I palmed her knee in front of me. Pushing it open, pushing it into me, so that I could see her from where I stood. She quickly sat up and spun around hanging her legs off the bed, facing me. Holding me in her hand she looked up at me with nothing but pure desire and certain need to please.

I wouldn't stop her.

I hissed through my gritted teeth as she stroked slowly while looking at me. I mesmerized her. I knew Jake Black didn't have much. I had heard the whispers of the coke whores as they left at night. She'd most likely never seen a dick as big as mine. I was motherfucking proud of it. I was going to give her all of it, too. If she could take it, I would make her fucking feel it tonight. I would gut fuck her until her eyes popped if I thought she could take it, but something told me I might need to take it slow on her tonight. Something told me, I might not get it all in.

I was fine with that. I was fine as soon as she put my dick in her mouth. Her little lips wrapped tight around me and I couldn't have given a fuck whether Jacob Black walked into my room right then and there.

Jake didn't give a shit about her, he fucked other girls left and right when I was around.

I was new to this town. I didn't know the kids here like Jake did. When Emmett told me Jake needed a new hook-up, I provided it. Simple as that. I would drop the shipments off when I got them, and Jake, and his boy Jasper, would get rid of it. Eventually I came to like Jake. Until I met Bella.

The day I saw her come back from the bathroom and sit in his lap, leaning over to kiss him, I realized that was his girl. The one he would mention every now and then. I remembered how he talked about her hazel eyes and her pretty, pink pussy that was "the best he'd ever had." He had also mentioned that was the only reason he kept her as a girlfriend. She was the best he'd ever had. Little did Jake know,_ I_ was about to be the best _she'd_ ever had.

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><p><strong>AN: I love you guys like I love 1D #puppiesftw! This chapter is dedicated to Livie79 who reviews like a mad woman and writes one of my favorite wips right now called Practice to Deceive. I absolutely love when authors make good use of Jake in their stories and Livie's PtD is no exception. I was intrigued from the prologue. Check it out. Surething302 holds me down day to day and I luh-luh-luh-luh-love her.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Not mine :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 11: Coke Bottle Cock<strong>

This girl.

She soaked up _all_ of me each time I was with her. When Bella was around, she was everything. She absorbed me with her gorgeous hazel eyes, her sweet smile. And the chemistry we shared was unfuckingcharted. Never in my life had I been entirely content, obliviously happy, and so motherfucking ravenous for anyone else. And I liked it. I liked it so much that I couldn't let her go.

My thumbs caressed her cheeks as my hands wrapped around her neck, while she softly loved me with her lips.

This girl, _my god_, this girl.

She looked so good with my dick in her mouth.

I wanted to tell her that. I wanted to whisper the words 'baby, you look _so_ fucking good with my dick in your mouth' but I didn't think she would take it the way I meant it. And I meant it, I just didn't want to cheapen the moment, so I kept quiet.

I looked down, seeing her eyes staring up at me. I softly blinked and smiled down at her, adoring the way she looked right then.

She only had the head plus an inch or two in and she was already stuffed. Her soft tongue moving back and forth on the underside of my head felt so good. I knew if I didn't pull myself away from her, I'd end up losing control and throat-fucking her to death.

I told her that if she kept that up I'd come, knowing, good and well, I could last another twenty minutes. I was just trying my best not to bang her throat out on my first night inside of it.

I reached for her t-shirt. "I'm feeling a little under dressed babe, you gotta help me out here."

She giggled and slid off of the edge of the bed, planting her feet on the ground and standing up in front of me.

As soon as she was in front of me, I brought her in close.

"I've haven't gotten to just hold you. I've wanted to since that first time I saw you... when you walked in on me in the bathroom."

I looked down, pointing to what she just had in her mouth with a wicked grin. Then I looked back to her.

"And, don't even lie, I know you saw me go in there. You just wanted to check out my junk. You were sizing me up, I know you were."

She laughed as she wrapped her arms around me. "Was not. I would have been frightened for my life, seeing that thing before now. _Jesus_, Edward. My _jaw_ hurts." She giggled and pressed her cheek to my chest as I wrapped my arms around her, beneath hers.

"I've wanted to hold you this way ever since I saw your pretty hazels through those shiny fingernails of yours."

I picked her up a little to rest her feet on mine as I walked her to the foot of the bed, to where my chair was.

I grabbed her sides, under the hem of her shirt, and looked at her as I ran both hands up her ribcage, effectively bringing her shirt up. Her hazels were burning with lust amidst her glowing whites.

"Lift up your arms, baby."

I stared at her as I took her shirt off and tossed it to the floor. One hand reached around to her back and I had her bra popped and hanging in two point three.

I had fantasized about Bella's breasts and what her nipples looked like for so long.

Adrenaline pulsed through me and I could see a pang of apprehension cross her face. We'd never been _there_ before. We'd never shown each other _those_ things. And she'd risked her entire relationship to be there, having no idea if I intended to ever be more to her. She felt the same way about me as I did about her though, and I knew this much. It was just obvious. I knew other people must see it when we're in the room. It's not just some invisible feeling of attraction that she and I share. It's a powerful, palpable thing we have. It's undeniable and carries a dense static in the air, all around us, whenever the two of us enter the same vicinity. I know we aren't the only two that can sense it. I could see it in her eyes. She also knew that I knew how she felt.

I looked from her eyes to her beautiful chest as I sat down in the chair while she stood in just a jean skirt before me. Looking up at her angel face, I stroked my dick just to relieve a little tension. And, yeah, I was teasing her with it as well. She was hungry for it. I could see it in her eyes...her desire, the anticipation of this moment. I knew she saw my desire too, because she hiked up her skirt a little more and then she showed her whole fucking world to me. Her pretty, pink, velvet-soft world.

My watch made a clinking sound on the side of the arm rest where I tapped my hand, telling her to drop her skirt and come close; to rest her foot there. She moved without hesitation, shimmying her skirt off and stepping forward as she trembled a little while lifting her leg to the arm rest. I looked up at her as I touched her lightly right there on her sweet, slick velvet, with the very tip of my middle finger.

Her petal pink world was in my face and I wanted to taste every inch of her.

I brought both hands up to her hips and pulled her into me as I kissed a trail from her belly button to her hip, where I nipped at her just a little. My hands trailed around to her ass as I brought one knee over my shoulder to sit her right on the tip of my nose. She smelled silky-sweet and delicate.

I kissed her just above where she wanted me as I spoke, "Bella, you're so beautiful."

She was no longer looking at me. She was so lost in the moment that she had her head tipped back just waiting for me to save her.

"Look at me, baby."

Her hands came to my hair as I spread her open and flattened my tongue on her. Licking a long, slow line straight up her center, I held onto her as she looked at me with anger in her eyes... that hurts-so-good look, and I'd seen it before. I'd just never seen it on Bella.

She moaned and bucked into me as I moved the backside of my tongue back down to her entrance. Flipping my tongue back to the front, I moved up in one wide stroke and she circled her hips as I reached the top as I flicked over where she felt it most.

I had her wound so tight I knew I could make her come with just five more flicks of my tongue ... but I didn't. I'd give it to her slow and steady, and then tongue fuck the shit out of her until she could stand no longer.

My fingers replaced my mouth as I talked to her while she rode my hand.

"You look so beautiful above me, baby." I stroked my dick with one hand as I caressed her with two fingers from the inside, my thumb on that sweet spot that made her legs shake.

"I'm gonna give you all of this tonight. You just be a good girl and relax for me."

She was tight around those two fingers so I pressed slow circles inside, trying to stretch her out as I brought my mouth back to her. I sucked on her clit, making slow passes over it with my tongue, applying just enough up and down suction to make her involuntarily fuck my face as I felt her getting wetter with each pump of my fingers. As she loosened for me, I inserted a third finger and she moaned a deep, sexy moan that I felt in my balls.

She pulsed around me as I pump, pump, pumped into her and licked her sweet center until she was quaking from the inside out.

Her grip on my hair tightened as I continued making her world mine. I looked up to her as the blacklight illuminated her white teeth. Her eyes were closed, her head titled back slightly, her mouth open, bearing her teeth as she sucked air through them controlling her breath. She was trying not to come. She was breathing through it. She knew about breath control.

Immediately I hooked my fingers into that spot inside that would control her. I pulled her into my face from her inside and I let her fuck my face. With my tongue flicking and swirling slick circles over her, I turned my face horizontal and gave it a flick from left to right, then looked up to her.

"You can't breathe through this, baby girl. Let it go. I'll take it if you don't."

She bucked, her legs quivering as I continued prodding and horizontally tongue-loving her.

"That's it, baby girl. Let it go. I'll give you more, just let it go."

My tongue flicked, my fingers pumped and her legs were shaking so hard that her knees started to buckle. I quickly grabbed her under her ass and lifted her other leg up to straddle the chair as I devoured her. Hungrily I took her climax as she held herself up on my shoulders and quaking all around me.

My dick was a rocket ready to launch just inches beneath her. I removed my fingers and placed my hands on her hips with my tongue still on her as I pushed her hips down until my tip was at her entrance. One final lave of her and I was about to explode as well.

She was slumped over, spent, with her mouth on my neck, rubbing can't-get-enough strokes up and down my chest. Kissing and sucking my earlobe.

Once I had positioned her body right where I wanted her, I swiveled my chair to where the black light would shine directly on her. She moaned as she felt me at her entrance, and I could feel her pushing down, trying to take me in. But it wouldn't be that easy. Not with this coke bottle cock she'd never had before. I couldn't wait to see just how much she could take. I just wanted to slide into her. Not to feel good, but to feel that close to her.

Skin to skin.

All the way in, skin-to-skin.

She was becoming frantic, pulling at my neck, chanting phrases and words that sounded like another language. Bella was fucking love drunk and I reveled in it.

She glowed above me as I put my hand on her back pushing her belly into my chest. I put my hands on her hips pushing her down slowly as I looked up to her and said, "I can give you more than_ this_ Bella. More than _he_ can. After this, we won't be the same," I stopped moving and looked between us and back up to her eyes, "and you've got to know, that I want it all with you."

She let out a soft cry and clung to me. I put my hands on her face to convey how serious I was and just how much I meant the words I was saying to her.

"You're no longer his anymore, Bella. Right _here_, right _now_, from this moment on...you're mine."

She pulled me in for a kiss as she sank onto me.

Eyes wide open, we kissed as she slowly lowered onto me.

I felt her stretch. Felt my love grow. Completely overwhelmed with emotion. I could see in her tear-filled eyes that she felt the love in that stretch too.

I stared at her as she took what she could and struggled to lift back up. She was shaky.

"My legs are jelly."

I put my hands under her and lifted as she sucked in a breath and closed her eyes. God, she was beautiful. She felt so wonderful, I knew I couldn't fuck her the way I wanted to-without hurting her or splitting her wide-the-fuck open- and that was okay with me. Just being _slightly_ inside of Bella was heaven. The way her body responded to me. The way the sheen of sweat looked over her neck and chest. I brought my hand there and rubbed a straight line down, over the center of her breasts, down to where she was still so sensitive and glistening wet, as she sank back down.

"Edward, it's too much. This is all so much." A tear spilled over as she continued to lower and stretch around me.

I knew she wasn't talking about the sex. She was talking about the emotion that both of us were feeling. I knew she felt overwhelmed with love in that moment, just like I did. How it came to be so real, so intense, so powerful in such a short amount of time, I'll never understand. But being in that moment with Bella... Being inside of Bella... it changed me forever.

There was no fucking chance Jake Black would ever get this girl back. I would make sure of it.

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><p><strong>AN: I love you guys more than the peanut-butter-dipped honeycrisp apple slices I'm munching on right now. Surething302 and Suzie55 preread this chapter for me and I love them for it. I thank each and everyone of you that have read, alerted, fav'd this. Your words are so encouraging. Thank you, thank you. My Fic Rec for the day is My Beautiful Storm by Troublefollows1017, Stormy is quite the catch you should check him out.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I loathe disclaimers. Everyone knows the deal by now right? Characters aren't mine.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 12: As Sick As My Secrets<strong>

The quiet in my room proved to make the whimpers, the breathing and the creaking of my chair a little too uncomfortable. Although the moment was so intense and filled with love, we needed some music.

I grabbed the remote and pressed play as I looked back to the angel in front of me.

"Hey, hey, hey." I smiled at her and lifted her chin, still inside her, no longer moving. I brought her eyes to mine.

"There's no crying tonight, baby girl."

I hated to see her cry. I had never seen that side of her before. I wiped a tear and she gave me a little smirk.

I couldn't help but notice that despite her tears, I had her right where I wanted her and it was go time. Make it or fucking break it, that was it, because the next morning would be a new day. The next day we would see Jake and everything about that day and how this night ended was going to make or break me.

I would die inside, to see her with him again.

I had to make her remember it; had to pull her out of her head and bring it back to the sex.

_Our sex._

I wrapped my arms under hers, grabbing onto her shoulders and holding her still. Right there, where I was deep inside but not quite home yet. I pressed several small pumps, attempting to loosen her so that she could acclimate to my size. She was so tight... so velvet smooth.

I brought my lips to her ear, "Take it baby, show me how much you want this... show me how much you can take."

She slowly slid down, down, down making me feel so good that I already wanted marry her. I leaned back and saw the love and admiration in her eyes as I pushed my lust away, trying to hold onto my control, just reveling in her sensation. She felt so damn good.

I kissed her tenderly, letting her know that I also felt all of those overwhelming emotions. I resolved that I would try to bring her out of the mind fuck we had caught ourselves in that night.

"I wanna be all the way inside you...all of you, every inch, I want it all... you think you can take it baby? Can you take it all?"

She smiled, bringing her forehead to mine while inhaling and it took my breath.

I brought my hand to her and grazed over her slickness as she moved up and down. She was making me crazy.

"Slide all the way down on it, baby...show me what you want."

She pulsed around me at my words, as she leaned back revealing her gorgeous neck, shimmering collarbones and her great, stand up tits. Ah... her tits were fucking perfect.

I brought my lips to her chest as she continued to slowly slide down, quenching my need, undoubtedly remedying hers as well, as we came closer.

One last inch and baby girl was skin to skin, ass flush with my thighs and I was buried deep inside as I looked her in the eye.

I brought my hand to her face as I lifted her ass and kissed her. Deepening the kiss, I began to thrust into her enough to take her breath. When I heard her gasp from the thrust I brought my hand to the back of her neck, cradling her head in my palm, bringing her nose to nose with me. I wrapped my other arm around her bringing us as close as we could get.

She fit so tight around me. Sliding deeper inside of Bella, I was able to gain some sort of rhythm and that's when it was over. That girl would fucking end me. And I continued to thrust. I gave her every inch I had, twice.

Thrust.

Boom.

She took me. She was fucking gorgeous when she smiled at me in that moment. She had taken every inch I could give her. I kissed her with everything I had.

Soft lips delicately met mine and I was all agenda, all tongue wanting her tongue, all man needing woman.

_This woman.  
><em>  
>She rocked forward and let out a throaty moan as she momentarily retracted her tongue.<p>

I was in an internal inferno, battling myself for will.

Take it slow, you've only got one shot, take it slow, Cullen.

Fuck the shit out of her, make her remember this.

She was my angel, but in that moment, I was a demon... I'd fuck her like the devil tonight and pray for forgiveness in the morning.

"Bella I need you baby. I don't know if I can control myself any longer,"... not buried inside like this. "Can I go a little faster?" I sank my head to her chest and just breathed to fight for some bit of control.

She kissed me hard and I pumped faster.

"You alright baby?"

"I'm perfect right now."

Her smile.

My thrust.

I looked into her eyes, caressing the back of her neck.

Her pretty little lips and her sweet soaked-in-love eyes said it all.

"Yes, oh my God, yes..." She breathed out as she slid up and down gaining speed towards a nice pace that was driving me insane.

I could feel it in my balls, in my toes, and in my pounding heart. She was already the best I'd ever had and I had only been inside of her for about ten minutes.

I stood up, staying inside her, kissing her with all I had as I walked to put her against the wall.

**BPOV**

You picked me up, still inside, and I could tell by the look in your eyes that you were feral. You were about to let me in on your secret... your technique. You were about to give me what I'd been fantasizing about for two months.

Your eyes were so fierce. Sweaty hair clung to your forehead as you walked me over to the wall..

"You want it all?" You asked me.

I couldn't think of anything I wanted more.

Your feet came closer to your destination as the music moved closer to a break.

The heavy bass line thrummed out as my back met the wall and you looked at me.

Thrust.

"I'm not letting you go, Bella."

I knew you meant two things by that.

Thrust.

Back against the wall, suspended in the air by only your arms, I was in heaven.

One more giant thrust reminded me that you weren't just any guy.

You were powerful, strong, in control and you knew just what to do, just what to say... to make me quake.

God, the feel of that stretch every time you pressed inside. That stinging pinch that I would gladly feel one hundred times over to be that close to you. Seeing the sweat drop from your neck as I glanced at you in the heat of passion. I studied your sharp jaw, parted lips and long eyelashes, as feelings of doubt and panic set in, but I pushed those aside.

Aside.

I deserved it. Jake didn't love me.

I would revel in that moment of passion as long as my mind allowed.

You were so beautiful ...you were everything. It made me crazy seeing you with your fuck-face on and dripping sweat as you pounded deep inside.

I licked a drop of sweat from your neck as you grabbed tighter and bounced me harder. You weren't going slow anymore; it was all haste and lust and I could barely fucking breathe. We didn't know if we would have another opportunity, so we would make the most of those moments we had in your room.

You were all over me. Holding me in your arms, your hands cradling each cheek and your mouth buried in my neck, I was in heaven.

I had it all right then.

I had a boyfriend and I also had you.

I had you exactly how I had dreamed about having you.

I no longer wondered what your face would look like as you slid inside of me, how big you were or how your kisses felt. I knew those things now and I didn't know how I was going to make it without having those things again.

I didn't know how I would make it without you for the rest of my life.

Right on time, I chose to sabotage myself by sinking into that insecure place I hid deep inside.

It's not just you, Bella. He does this with all the girls. He makes all the girls feel this way. He looks at all the girls the way he looks at you. He says all of these same things to all the girls. It's not just you, Bella.

You weren't mine. You just wanted me because I was taken.

You just wanted me because I was taken.

And now that I had given myself to you, there would be no curiosity left.

Thrust, thrust, grind.

Pound.  
>Pound.<br>Pound.  
>Pound.<p>

Luckily the feeling of you and what you were doing to me took over and I found myself clenching with desire and pulsing with the most beautiful feeling below as I circled my hips and ground out my orgasm on your hips.

"You coming for me, Baby?"

Head against the wall, eyes shut tight, it was all I could do to answer you.

"Yes."

"Baby, look at me, let me see those pretty eyes while you come."

You pump, pump, pumped me into oblivion and I could tell you were going to lose it as well when you slowed down and just gave me soft, short strokes, while kissing my neck, my chest, my lips.

You stopped moving, carrying me back to the bed. Your hand lifted to my jaw forcing my face to yours as we made it across the room.

"I don't know where your head's at right now but bring it back right here. Right now, Bella. It's just you and me, girl. Just us tonight. Nothing and no one else. Us."

You laid me gently on the bed with softest, sweetest expression making me push my insecurities far, far away.

The music thundered through the speakers as I looked up at you towering above me. You had one foot on the floor, a knee on the bed, and were holding both of my legs. You were enormous. I was so overcome with emotion. All of it was so much. The emotion and intensity there in that room, was so much.

Slide in.

Breathe In.

Slide out.

Breathe out.

You wouldn't take your eyes off of me, and I could feel my doubts and insecurities falling away, being replaced with feelings of your love. Each thrust you gave said it all. Every time you softly blinked your eyes at me said all I'd ever need to know of your love for me. Even in the simple way you brought my ankle to your lips and kissed it, said enough.

The burning from the stretch each time you would thrust was a little much but it was a good burn. I welcomed that loving pain. I never imagined it could be like that. That intense, that emotional, that good. So I cried. I cried like a little girl, but I didn't care, and I don't think you did either. I knew that you understood what was happening to me and I was sure that I could see the same emotional storm swirling inside of you as well.

"Scoot back a little, baby."

You held my legs while I propped myself up on my elbows and moved back so that you could get all the way onto the bed with me. I wanted you all over me. I wanted you all the way inside and all over the top of me as well. I wanted you to blanket me with your love on the outside and fill me up with your desire on the inside.

I wanted to crawl inside you, to be honest. Just to open up your chest and become a part of you. I just couldn't get enough.

We disconnected as I scooted back but you quickly remedied that by spreading my legs with your chiseled hips. One giant thrust later and you were deep inside, taking my breath away for the second time. You were huge. You are huge everywhere but especially there. I had never been filled like that before, and as much as it burned, and sometimes pinched, I loved it. I wanted all of you.

All of you...

You rested your forehead on mine as you pulled out, pushing deep inside again. I knew you still weren't all the way in. And I wanted every inch. I got lost in your kiss.

Tongues collided.

Thrust.

Sweat dripped down.

Thrust.

You lifted up and put your hands on my ribs, rubbing my belly button with your thumb as your other one inched lower to where we connected. I felt you make a pass over my clit and it felt so good. Having you inside of me, feeling the love that I felt and experiencing the beautiful sensations that you were giving me, just by touching there, was a heavenly experience to say the least.

Looking back and forth from your abs to your dick as you would half-thrust in and out of me was the sexiest thing I had ever seen. Watching you move my legs the way you needed them with confidence turned me on. But, the way you looked me straight in the eye as you did these things, as you owned my body, melted me like putty.

In just under one hour you had taken my soul. I was yours. There was no turning back.

**EPOV**

Bella was asleep in my arms as her phone lit up for the tenth time since I had pulled out of her. I didn't have to look. I knew who it was, and little did he know, I was literally shuffling the cards of his game.

She nuzzled up to me and turned onto her back to give meet my eyes.

Kiss.

Deep kiss.

My hand slid from her hip to her stomach, up to her neck as I looked into her eyes telling her wordlessly that I loved her. I wouldn't say that out loud until I knew what she planned to do with my love... I couldn't place any guilt or responsibility on her like that. We were both in this. I knew she was taken long before then, but after last night, I needed Bella to make a choice.

The daylight peeked through my curtains as I pushed the uncertainty of what the day would bring down deep inside of me. I still had her there with me where I could hold her.

"Good morning, angel."

She smiled so bright as she laced her fingers through my hair, bringing herself on top of me. She laid her head on my chest hugging me close. "Mmmm. I won't ever forget last night. You know that right?"

Those words didn't sit well with me; they made me question what would happen that day. Everything was fucked ...but everything was right at the same time. One fucking night and my world was completely turned upside down, and right side up simultaneously. I knew we had a soul tie. I knew that she was a part of me - my perfect counterpart, if you will - and I even knew that I had fallen for her, but this? After the way we bound ourselves together a few hours ago I couldn't fucking live without her. Without a fucking doubt, I loved her now.

"Hey, you." She tickled me to no avail before realizing that I wasn't ticklish, no matter how hard she tried. Watching her make faces at me while continued to tickle under my arms, made me smile wide up at her. Watching her face contort into the cutest pout I'd ever seen when I didn't squirm made me even happier.

She was in a playful mood and so I decided I would play along and entertain her. I had a great idea just then as I lifted her off of me and got out of the bed, grabbing my jeans. I saw her shirt on the floor and I walked over, picked it up, and came around to her side of the bed.

"What ya doin'?" She bit her lip and looked at me expectantly.

"Come here, beautiful."

She pulled the sheet up under her arms and got on her knees bringing it with her.

I grabbed the sheet and tore it away with one quick motion making her squeal.

"Don't hide those from me, pretty girl." I leaned down to take her nipple into my mouth as she giggled and hugged my face.

With my tongue flat on her, I licked a straight line from the middle of her chest, up her throat and then kissed her before sealing it with a peck and grabbing her into my arms to hold her against me.  
>I nudged her chin and went in for another peck.<p>

"I could live off of your kisses, pretty girl." I touched the tip of her nose and winked at her with a smile. She couldn't resist my winks. I knew this.

I ruffled her hair on top before pulling her shirt over her head while she smiled at me. Bella was beaming. She let me dress her as we kept eye contact. I didn't remember ever feeling this happy before. I wanted to take care of her always. I grabbed her arm and start to string it through the hole in her shirt but she started giggling and asking what I was doing while putting her shirt on.

What Bella didn't understand was that I fucking loved her. I wanted to take care of her. I would fuck her awake every morning if she'd let me. I'd make her coffee, flip her pancakes, dress her, and drive her ass to work if she'd let me. I wanted to be all that she needed..

I smiled at her when I had her shirt all the way on and I bent over a little more to bring my arms around her hips. She knew what was coming because she let out that high pitched squeal that I loved to hear.

Over my shoulder I carried her, down the stairs and out my back door to the yard. I took her to the side of the house near the water hose and laid her there. She was laughing, saying "What are you doing? Are you crazy? I don't have clothes on!" I just chuckled to myself knowing what was coming next.

I grabbed the nozzle and put it behind my back walking back over to her as she scream-laughed at me "Don't you dare," and "You wouldn't." I smiled down at her and said "Oh, I would. I definitely would."

I had an evil grin on my face as the water started to spray.

She was trying to get up, to get the nozzle from me, and I just smiled, aimed and sprayed the shit out of her. She was screaming, laughing and looking gorgeous as I ran backwards away from her, spraying her as she chased me.

She was fucking beautiful, out there in just her shirt and panties, bright smile stretched wide with her coffee-bean hair stuck to her face. I stopped, dropped the hose and put my hands up in surrender hoping that she would come for me and not the hose.

With a wide full-of-fun smile on her face, she did just what I hoped for and jumped into my arms wrapping her legs around my waist and I brought my lips to hers, hungry for her love as I spun her around. I was kiss-talking to her, telling her how-kiss-beautiful-kiss-she-kiss-was-and-do-kiss-you-kiss-know-how-kiss-fucking beautiful-kiss kiss-you-kiss are, as I walked back toward the spigot to turn the water off.

The sun was shining pretty bright and I knew my time with her was drawing to a close.

I took off back inside, up to my room and straight to the shower.

She was still laughing. I could tell that I had just given her a thrill, shown her some spontaneous fun, made a memory with her. To know that I owned that memory and all of last night with Bella made me happy, even if that was all I would get, at least I had those memories.

I stood her up in the shower and kissed her wet face as I grabbed her shirt that was soaked and sticking to her breasts.

"This." I grabbed both sides of her shirt. "I want this off of you."

I popped my button open and two minutes later, we were naked, wet and under the shower. My dick was ready but I wanted to show her more. I wanted to wash her hair, to clean her, to show her more. I wanted to take care of her.

Thirty minutes later found me kissing Bella goodbye and watching her walk out the door with Rose. I would know my fate within just a few hours because I had to see Jake today as well. I had a shipment that I needed to get to him.

Jake's house would be my first stop and although it might be awkward being face to face with him after last night's betrayal, no amount of awkward could hold me back from my intentions of having Bella. If I had to keep my enemies closer, then that's exactly what I would do.

I grabbed a pair of jeans, a checkered button up and a v neck from my closet. I already missed Bella and couldn't wait to see her again, even if it would be at her boyfriend's house. I was just as sick as my secrets.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you thank you to Suzie55, Coldplaywhore, Nicficwhisperer, yellowglue and anyone else that has pimped this little story. I appreciate all of your alerts, favs and your reviews mean SO much. I'm sure most of you have picked up on my love for inserting half lyrics from my favorite songs within this story. Incubus, 30STM, Dave Matthews, and plenty more are laced through out. This chapter was written while listening to "Ever the Same" by Rob Thomas and "SAIL" by AWOLnation – both songs on a constant loop. Again, thank you to the moon for reading and I love each and every review I receive.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Blah blah blah, yada yada yada... characters aren't mine and so on. I just own the coke bottle cock, or did at one time... huh-what?**

**A/N: To ward off confusion, this is EPOV of the morning after. Jake doesn't know yet, the fight hasn't happened yet - This chapter will come full circle covering chapter one and ending at the present time.**

* * *

><p><strong>CHAPTER 13: A BEAUTIFUL LIE<strong>

Book bag. Check.

Sunglasses. Check.

Childlike cousin. Check.

I sling the book bag holding the last remnants of Jake's relationship and mine in the backseat as Emmett slides along the car hood before getting into the passenger side.

"Spill, buddy. Let's hear it."

Emmett is looking at me with a half smile on his face. He knows what happened in my room last night. Even though he didn't see Bella come inside, I know that Rose probably told him when they left for Alec's opening.

I plug my iPod in to the dash and just ignore him. Yeah, I'd love to tell him how deep I got inside of Bella's sweet pussy last night, but I'm not that guy. I don't talk about my shit. Not even with my cousin.

"Dude. I heard the fucking banging against the wall, E. I also know that Bella was up there with you, bro." He elbows me as I back out of the driveway. "I'm not saying anything, it's not my business. But shit's about to get cloudy don't you think? With all of us being around each other?"

"I'm not worried about Jake, Emmett."

"Alright, man. I'm just looking out. You know how Jake is though, E, he's just a little off. I don't want to have to crack a skull if I don't have to, is all I'm sayin'. He shifts in his seat. "I mean, if it came down to the two of you, as long as I've known him, I'd still have your back, even though this shit isn't exactly right. All I'm sayin' is I've got your back. And I've noticed how you and Bella act around each other. It probably won't be too much longer before other people catch on."

"I'm not worried about Jake, Emmett."

I roll my window down and turn the music up as Emmett puts his fist out with a "We good?" and I tap it to let him know, I heard him, understand what he's saying and I'll respect it. Emmett and I have always been close. Living away from him for the past few years has made me appreciate having him around so much more now.

He reminds me of my mom. He looks like her. Twin mothers, I guess he was bound to look a little like her. The day of her funeral, we both fucking cried. I hadn't seen Emmett cry since we were kids, but that day, we bawled like babies. Once everyone left the cemetery, we just stood there, hands in our pockets and fucking let it go. Two grown ass babies. I had promised Emmett I would move to Port Angeles as soon as I turned eighteen, but I didn't want to leave my mom, alone to take care of herself.

When Esme told her that she was moving to Port Angeles because Phil was going to play for their baseball team, they cried for an entire week. Our two families had been inseparable since the beginning of time. Phil was like my dad too. He taught Emmett and me how to drive a car when we were ten. That next year, they left. Emmett and I talked on the phone each week after our moms would get off work. We told each other about the squirrels we had killed with our BB guns and the rad ass pegs on our bikes and about the new girls down the street. And each week, I promised him I would move to Port Angeles as soon as I turned eighteen.

Three years after my eighteenth birthday, I was still promising Emmett that I would move to Port Angeles. I couldn't leave my mom alone there. What kind of son would I be? What kind of man would I be? She didn't want to leave Arizona. She had lived there her entire life. All she knew was southwestern food and Arizona air.

And then she died.

I was twenty-one years old and my mom was fucking dead. She passed peacefully in her sleep and I was thankful for that, though it didn't make it hurt less.

Throat cancer. Never smoked a cigarette in her life and didn't know she had it. I wasn't prepared for that. She was there one day and gone the next. I was fucking mad at the world.

One year later, I was no longer angry at the world or blaming God for my broken heart, but I still couldn't leave Arizona. It didn't feel right being that far away from her grave. I made it a point to go every night. If only to say, "What's up mom? Had a shitty day today. One of your homemade apple pies would make me forget it all, if I had one."

Just being able to visit her settled something inside. I didn't want her to look down and think I was ever forgetting her.

Another year passed by and Emmett just showed up at my door, all dimples and big ass shoulders. He saw how fucked up I was. I wasn't living. I was working a dead end job and selling weed on the side to get by. I didn't hang with anyone except the girls that called every now and then to try to persuade me to go out. They ended up coming over instead. I wasn't into being social. I didn't have the desire for a social life any longer. Sex, food, sleep, and bud. That's what I lived on for two years.

Emmett begged me to make a move; to come stay with him in Port Angeles. He said he knew a few people that needed a connection, so I would have a means to make it there. He understood why I didn't want to dip into my inheritance just yet; I didn't want to face the last confirmation of her death. We'd been down that road and he finally quit turning down that street. Wouldn't get him anywhere.

Emmett said I needed to be around people before I went all Manson on the world. I agreed. I just wasn't myself anymore.

Looking back at that day, when Emmett just showed up, I was thankful for him. He was a brother to me and honestly, I just fucking loved him. He, Phil and Esme were all I had left.

Thinking about mom makes me want to drive straight to the cemetery right now. I want to tell her about Bella. She made me feel alive last night, for the first time in over two years.

My stomach twists just thinking about seeing her with Jake. Will she stay with him after last night? No fucking way. She won't. I know she won't.

We pull into the drive way and I park and grab my bag. Hopefully this will be the last drop I make here. I'll find a way to let him know I'm not going to be his supplier anymore. I am finally ready and willing to accept my inheritance and quit dealing all together. It just never seemed right before. I didn't want the fucking money. It was her money. The money she had worked for her entire life, with no help from my dead-beat dad. Carl was a piece of shit. She could never count on him for anything. She worked three jobs when I was little. I remember staying with Emmett and Esme some nights, when mom couldn't come home until late. It still hurts to look at Esme every now and then. She looks so much like my mother, Elizabeth.

Emmett gives the door a solid pound and Jake peeks out a few minutes later, hung over.

"You good?" I ask, passing him by. "Yeah, man. The money's right over there." He says and points to an envelope on the bar. "Here." I toss the bag to him so that he can get one-step closer to severing our ties. I walk over to the bar, eye balling the sticky rings left from soda cans. Fingering through the bills, I see that they are all there and stash the envelope in my back pocket after folding it in half.

Jake's place is shitty. Every second I stay around him I see him more and more for what he really is. He just doesn't give a fuck, about anything, and it makes him an empty useless sack of shit in my eyes.

I sit on the couch next to Jake, watching as he breaks the brick up into three QP's, two ounces and the rest into quarters. Why the fuck am I still here?

He looks at me. "_You_ good?" he says, with a sarcastic grin on his face.

I want to say, "If you consider getting up in your girlfriend's guts last night, good, then yeah. I'm fucking great," But I spare pretty boy the truth. I just answer his question with another one.

"So what's up for today?"

I might be creeping. I won't lie. I want to know what his plans with Bella are, if he's talked to her, and being with him gives me the jump.

"I want to get this shit out of my hands so I'm going on a run in a minute. After that, not shit man. I still feel rough from last night."

He stuffs the blocks into the bag. "I'll be right back, I'm gonna hop in the shower and then we can ride out."

Jasper comes walking out of the back bedroom with nothing but jeans and a baseball hat on.

"Howdy motherfuckers."

I like Jasper. He is genuine. He looks me in the eye when we speak and I appreciate that about him. Jake, on the other hand, I have always sensed something in genuine about him. Jake has never looked me in the eye longer than ten seconds. I think I intimidate him.

Jasper picks a shirt up off the back of the couch and pulls it over his head after smelling it. "Who's rollin' up?"

I pull my stash out and roll up two blunts.

A few tokes later, Bella walks right in through the front door.

_Hot damn._

I hadn't been around Bella, high, after fucking her.

This is new territory.

I want her. She is fucking beautiful, still glowing from being with me. I lit her ass up this morning and I could see it all over her.

She walks down the hall in full view. She hasn't looked at me yet, but she knows I'm here. I can see it in her face that she wants to look at me, but she is trying her best to maintain eye contact with Jasper while walking into the living room. She is so transparent. I laugh silently to myself watching her struggle to gain control. She wants to look at me just as bad as I want her to. Yeah, I've got an I-fucked-your-girlfriend-and-she-loved-it look on my face.

She sits down on the arm of the chair beside Jasper as he passes the blunt to her, squeezing her knee, getting a squealing reaction out of her as she raises a fist while speak-laughing "Don't you do it, Jas." She is cute as fuck with her fist up in the air threatening him if he tickles her there again.

Behind me, I can hear Emmett rummaging through the refrigerator, as I look straight at Bella while she pulls the smoke into her mouth.

_Goddamn._ Today is going to be a challenge.

She takes another toke and gets up to bring me the blunt. "Hey." She says quietly, while smiling bright.

I give her an are-you-wet-yet look and stand, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek as I take the blunt from her. She is fucking stunned; I can tell. She just stands there dizzy-dazed by my close proximity and my smell. I splashed some good shit on before leaving the house, just in case.

"Bells?"

She spins around when Jake walks into the room and I watch him come closer to her.

I can do this. I've got this. I can tell that I'm the dominant one. I can smell it in the air. She won't be going back to him today. She just hasn't had her chance to end it yet. I give myself a pep talk. Whatever it takes.

"Hey," she says, startled as she turns around to face him.

"Thought I was gonna pick you up?" He walks up to her, standing face to face and she cowers, looking at her feet. "Yeah, well we needed to talk, so I thought I would just come by before you left."

"Well I gotta be somewhere in ten minutes. Come on," he looks around to all of us. "You guys just wanna ride with?" Jake asks us.

He needed to talk to Bella but the motherfucker couldn't even do that alone. We haven't all gone on a run together in awhile, but I remember that I liked being so close to Bella the last time we did. The whole act of being so close to someone else's girl, with cruel intentions and a feeling of reciprocation, just feels sinfully intriguing to me. I am just as much a fan of the chase as I am the catch. And this time I'm sure, she isn't his girl anymore.

_Game on. I'll ride._

"I got shotgun!" Jasper yells while bringing the blunt to his mouth and walking out the front door.

"I haven't even hit it yet!" Emmett says from the kitchen, with a mouth full of food. He walks into the living room with a sandwich full of meat spilling out of each side and mustard on the corner of his mouth. _Child._

"Jasper's got it, let's roll." Jake says, bumping into Emmett, causing corn chips to fall out of his sandwich. Fucking gross. I roll my eyes.

I finger my pockets to make sure I have my keys while looking back to Bella. Jake is grabbing his bag and looking for something else and I just lightly graze Bella with my finger, silently telling her to come on, that I will come with her. I know she's getting thrown into an awkward situation. Hell, it's a little awkward for me to. The way this day is turning out is odd, but I want to take care of her, and this is how I'll do it.

She follows me out the door, Emmett barreling after her. Jasper is already in the front seat coughing smoke out the window.

I get to the Tahoe and hold the back door open for Bella to climb into the middle. That's where she always sits; in between Emmett and I. That's also where I prefer her. I would never put my girl in the backseat, but to each his own and all that.

Thirty minutes later, I am ready to get the fuck out of this car. Jake is reaching into the backseat, caressing the bend of her knee, claiming his ownership and I fucking hate it. I won't let her know it, though. I smile through it, stay calm and just roll up as much as I can. The weed keeps me calm. The high sees me through my rage; my need to possess her. She still isn't mine, after all.

Fuck that.

She's been _mine_ since last night.

It's a beautiful lie. This back-fucking seat is such a beautiful lie.

A lie to everyone but us.

I know it's her truth just as much as it is mine. Shit got real last night. I wonder how she would feel if she knew about the three little words, I've been dying to tell her.

Jake questions me out of my thoughts as I lick the joint sealed.

Motherfucker doesn't listen. I never said I was going to go to Alec's last night. In fact, I told him twice I wouldn't be there.

Jake is on my last fucking nerve. I just want out of this car, and I want Bella away from him, away from his slimy hands.

I lean in to give Bella a shotgun and try my best to touch her the way I am feeling. I want her to know that I want nothing but to be back in my room, with her, right now.

We pull into Jake's driveway and I know she feels it too. She needs this just as much as I do and my mind is made up. I'm going straight the fuck to my house and I'll just hope and pray that she'll follow. I won't get in her business. I'll just have faith that she will show.

I get out of the car and head straight to mine. I grab my keys as Emmett taps my fist and says he'll be by a little later, that Jas will bring him.

I can't help but turn around. I just want to see some hope there before I go.

I almost wish I hadn't.

I'm calm on the outside but quickly losing my shit on the inside. His mouth is right on hers.

_How does my dick taste motherfucker?_

She backs away and he's holding her wrists. I see her eyeing the ground. Everything about his stance calls out manipulation, and everything about hers screams retraction.

I see her look at him and I can hear what she's said but I can't read the look on his face and I'm at her side before I've even realized what I'm doing.

It all happens so fast.

One minute I'm daring Jake to make a move, the next, my knife is in his thigh and then, I'm back in my room, wrapped around Bella as she sleeps. She cried for a while as I held her, assured her that it would be all right, and I was so sorry, that I would protect her.

She tried to console me before she finally broke down. She was more worried about me fighting for her, than herself. Once I quieted her, it hit her. The silence brought the realization of what was happening. I knew she was hurting. She wept softly at first and then she broke the fuck apart. Her quiet cries turned into angry wails. She was physically and emotionally hurting, embarrassed, and fucking traumatized. I knew how important it was to let that shit out. I knew it.

So I held her. I held her as she fell apart. Her cries became quieter and her shoulders eventually stopped shaking. She was spent. I lightly scratched her back, hoping that sleep would take her.

I remember the sweet surrendering peace that sleep brought me all of those nights that I broke down, wanting to see my mom just one last time.

Her pain might have been different, but pain is pain. I identified.

She's been sleeping for about two hours. I'm not surprised. I kept her writhing awake most of the night last night, and since she showed up to Jake's within two hours of leaving my place I know she didn't nap when she went home. I chalked it up to her wanting to end it as soon as possible. Unfortunately her words 'I can't do this anymore, Jake.' had turned into a fucking blood battle that I never expected, but I would do it over if that were what I had to do to protect her. My mind has been going wild wondering exactly what else he has done to her after seeing that earlier.

I don't know how to handle this, I just know that I have to be there for her.

I didn't expect her to want to leave when she woke up, but when she does, I don't question her. She has been through enough emotional shit in the last twenty-four hours, so I just look into her sad eyes, make her promise that she is fine to drive home, and I let her leave.

I let her leave.

A tear slides down her cheek as I kiss her goodbye. It doesn't feel like a small goodbye either.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: God Bless SereneinNC for putting up with me and beta'ing this. Surething302 and Shahula is so appreciated for all of her pushing of this story, and I'm eyeballing Nicficwhisperer as well. So much love. Another update within the week, just have to spiff it up and it's yours. Thank you times a million to all that review, say "fuck you" or alert. You guys rock. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY mommies! Wanna chat? Find me on twitter. PAWsPeaches.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine. Abusive themes and drug use throughout this chapter. If this bothers you, stop right here.**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 14: SNAKE CHARMER<strong>

You know how it feels when all is right, there are no worries and everything in your life is certain?

Yeah, me neither.

In fact, that's the exact opposite of how I've felt since I walking into my house, shortly after leaving Edward's, one week ago. Before leaving him, I fell apart in his arms as the high came down, the pain set in and the anger took hold. And now, one week later, I'm here alone, still digging through these hidden wounds. Things I had pushed so far down, all continue to resurface, night after night.

Lights and shadows adorn my walls as I lie here in the dark. A few moments pass with no thoughts and then they find me; the memories. They taunt me and make my pulse pick up as the indignation rises to the surface. Where do you go to escape these moments? You can't exactly run out the door and expect them to magically disappear. They are here with me no matter where I turn.

I want to sleep just one night. "Just one night!" I scream at the ceiling. If I could have one night, without waking in pitch black silence, to memories of my parents fighting, memories of Jake wrapping his hands around my throat while spitting out disgusting accusations, flashbacks of last Saturday, Jake's tan skin and lush lashes, to memories of your eyes when I left.

I close my eyes tight, making fists with my hands and I feel slightly hopeless. I just want to get past this, but it's all so much more complex this time.

In the past, I just pushed it down, forgave Jake and we were happy together the next day. Forgiving his harm and forgetting the pain was so much easier when it was bartered for our relationship. But this time, I'm not believing his crying eyes and wordy lies. I'm not forgiving him. This time, I don't have a relationship to barter for forgiveness. This time, I have nothing but rage and anger, and an overwhelming sense of embarrassment. Jake had never put his hands on me in front of anyone.

On top of all the bitterness I feel, confusion swarms me as well. Nothing makes sense to me because in spite of everything, I'm still mourning the loss of our relationship, even though I'm so angry with Jake, I feel the permanent loss this time. There is no going back. It's over.

And then… there is you.

I just can't find it in myself to let you see me this way. I feel like I might be crazy. You don't deserve to have to deal with me at my worst. I don't want to be a burden or someone that you feel sorry for. I am embarrassed enough as it is and seeing the pity in your eyes, just makes it worse.

If I can't get past this, it will cost me, all that we had. I know it.

You will be the one I compare everyone to.

I toss the blanket off of me, turning onto my side to stare at my clock. The display shines 3:45am.

Thinking of all the things that make me feel happy doesn't keep the truth from creeping in. The root of all of the damage done, dangles delicately in my mind.

I watched through tiny, round, five year old eyes, from the fourth step on the staircase, through the half-open bathroom door. I heard her cries; the gutteral sound she made as his knee connected with her stomach. My whole world shook around me even though all was still. I only _thought_ I was confused back _then_.

Growing up witnessing my parents fighting, gave me such a distorted view on love. I feel like my father is to blame for wasted years of my life. He's to blame for my useless relationship with Jake. I would have never stayed with him. I would have broken up with him at the first insult, the first harsh grip. But I stayed, and now I am here. Blaming myself, blaming Jake and blaming my father.

How else am I supposed to feel about when waking to memories of abuse and being abused? I want to blame someone. I want someone to feel the same things that I feel. It's one thing to go through it and just accept that it happened, because you can't change the past. But going through it again, in retrospect... stirs up anger, resentment and bitter frustration. I sit and soak in the pure animosity. The things that I feel make me scream on the inside. Make me want to come out of my skin. Fury. Toxic rage. Vengeance.

I want revenge. I want the most absolute power of wrath in my hands and like a greek god, I want to send it showering down in blistering bolts upon my father and Jacob. In this moment, that's all that I want.

Besides my life back.

And you.

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

Sunday

I text Bella:** I can still smell you on my sheets. **

Monday

Nothing. I make a peanut butter and honey sandwich for lunch, throw darts at my wall, watch _Goodfellas_ and contemplate drinking a fifth of whiskey.

Tuesday

I text Bella: **I miss you pretty girl. **

I sit on the couch and drink a beer for breakfast, with my hand down my shorts, while click, click, clicking through the guide to find nothing that interests me except an occasional high brow from Judge Judy. That bitch keeps it real. I browse the Port Angeles Craigslist for stupid shit that I don't need, just to pass the time.

Wednesday

Doubt sets in. Is she back with him? Nah, Emmett would have told me. I make a mental note to talk to him and make sure. He agreed to keep watch over Bella for me since I can't do it myself, without smothering her.

Thursday

Still no response from Bella and I've got hella laundry to do. No more black socks. I can't fucking wear white socks.

Friday

Protein shake for breakfast. I run two miles. Emmett is home when I get back. He assures me that everything's good and he's out the door again. I steal his laundry basket and shovel everything from the dryer into it to carry back up the stairs. I open both windows in my bedroom, grab a bottle of crown and by the time night falls, I've smoked a half ounce. I'm wasted. So, I do the only logical thing to do in this situation. I jack off and pass out naked.

Saturday

One entire week has passed since I've heard from Bella.

Insecurity tells me that maybe she just doesn't give a fuck. Emmett drops in every once and a while to check in with me. Despite going for midnight or morning runs with sweat pouring, music spilling into my ears and my feet lighting the asphalt on fire, I haven't been out of my house. I'm hanging in limbo just wondering when she'll come back to me.

I know she has her shit to work out. I get that. I just got the feeling, or maybe had hope, that I would be the one to help her work it out. Some shit you just have to do on your own, though, and I am realizing that Bella is more like me than I initially thought. She is holding her pain inside, but the longer she lets it lie there, it will just eat and toxify.

I don't worry about Jake fucking with her. Not only did Emmett stress to Jake that I wouldn't hesitate to take him out, should he touch Bella again but he also promised to watch over her for me. I know that Jake doesn't have a chance, with Emmett around.

It's a comfort to know that she is safe but I won't lie that it hurts to know that she might not be as in to me as I am into her. I miss her. I just want to hear her voice again.

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

"Bella?"

_Oh boy_

"Hi, Alice."

"I'm so glad you answered." I can hear her pacing and she sounds nervous.

"Listen Bella, I know you probably weren't expecting to hear from me considering whatever happened between you and my brother, but I don't know what else to do."

She pauses for a moment and takes a breath. "He won't talk to anyone and he's acting crazy Bella." I roll my eyes recalling all of the times I thought twice about forgiving Jake after our fights and how he would pull his manipulation tactics… _"I'll kill myself Bella. If you leave me I'll kill myself. I can't make it without you. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I don't even remember it, I just blacked out. You have to believe me. I love you, Bella."_

Wow. He will never change. I mean, I've seen the dozens of texts that he's sent me but I didn't think he would actually pull this with his sister as well. It makes me cringe that he has her fooled. He knew she would call me. He knew exactly how this would play out. I want to strangle him and shake some sense into his sister as well.

"I take it you don't know what happened with Jake and I?"

Her small voice shakes as she speaks "He won't talk to me, he just tells me that you two broke up and that he wants to die, Bella." She starts to sound panicky and a whimper slips out, making me feel bad but I keep hold over my emotion. I won't be pulled back in, I won't. She sniffles and speaks again. "Jasper is in the process of moving his stuff out of his house and he won't tell me either." I hear her crying now as she speaks. "He says it's up to Jake to tell me what's going on. I just don't understand Bella."

"Alice, calm down. I promise you everything is going to be ok."

"Bella, he's never been like this before. I'm just…I'm scared of what he might do."

Five minutes of explaining myself and Jake's tactics later, I hang up the phone.

Once upon a time I would have panicked and driven straight to Jake's house, giving into any request he had, as long as he quit threatening to harm himself. But now, I'm no longer blinded by ignorance. I see his attempts to get me back into his arms and it won't work. Not now, not ever.

The feeling of victory that washes through me for the way I handled that makes me feel proud. I won't allow myself to feel guilty. I won't allow myself to worry. I know that this is just his way to manipulate everyone.

Wanting to get my mind off of the phone call, I grab a movie and pop some popcorn. The sun falls as I crawl into bed and curl up to a movie. When the final credits of _Se7en_ scroll up the screen, I welcome the sleep that takes me.

The next morning I wake up feeling rested. I only woke up twice and I went right back to sleep. No angry flashbacks. No pounding heart to keep me up afterwards. I smile on the inside and on the outside. I feel good today.

I text Edward back, for the first time since I left him almost two weeks ago.

**I miss you too ~ B**

The weekend goes by quickly and it's a good weekend because I sleep, both nights. All night long.

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

Sunday

Emmett tells me that Rose hasn't been herself since the Jake incident because she's so worried about Bella. He assures me that Jake hasn't been around and that apparently Bella has been just as fucked up as I have these past eight days. I just wish she would let me in, let me be there for her. Let me take care of her. I want to go to her and make her accept my help, but I won't push.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday pass before I realize that it's been a week and a half.

On Thursday I call Marcus and let him know that I'm done and I won't be needing anymore. I've still got three ounces left, and I need to quit smoking. It's taking a toll on me, I can't run like I used to.

FRIDAY:

**I miss you too. ~ Bella **

That text is enough to get me through the next few days. I will wait for her. I won't badger her. I won't beg for her attention. I will just remain patient and let her come to me. She will come. I know this.

SATURDAY

I need some decent food in my life. I call Esme to see what she and Phil are having and as soon as she starts talking steak and baked potatoes with some sort of Chinese salad, I just shut her down and pretty much insist that she needs me to come over for dinner. She agrees and I'm fucking thrilled that I'll be getting some home cooked food.

It's been two weeks. I miss Bella like crazy.

SUNDAY

I wake up thinking about my mom. Being around Esme makes me miss her so much.

The next few days pass pretty much like the last except I've been thinking a lot about my future and what I'm going to do with my life. I resolve that I can't keep doing what I'm doing anymore. For the first time in my life I feel the most certain and uncertain at the same time and it's driving me mad.

I need a plan. I need some direction. I need Bella.

I check flights online and decide to head to Arizona. If I can just talk to mom, I'll know what I need to do.

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

Another week passes of restless sleep, save for a few good days and I push on through. Rose and Emmett check on me every chance they get. Emmett seems to be here more than his house lately which is odd.

Rose comforts me even though I don't talk much about it. She knows what I'm going through. She wants to kill Jake, but she doesn't understand that it's not just about Jake. Rose always slept through our parent's late night fights. She never saw what I saw, or if she did, she never told me about it.

Though my father wasn't a good husband, he was a damn good dad. He made sure we knew that he loved us and he spent quality time with Rose and me. Mom was inpatient and always busy but dad always played with us. Over the years, since I've been older, Dad and I have talked about the few times that he saw me peeking around the corner of a wall, as he and mom fought. I would flinch at every yell, as each plate crashed. I can't count the times he's apologized to me for the things I saw when I was little and I know that it hurts him. The guilt that he feels for it all, because he holds true remorse for his actions, but what about _my_ pain?

The times that we've talked about it, I've assured him that it's in the past and it's over and that we all make mistakes, no one's perfect. Truthfully, it scared the shit out of me when I was little, but after they split up, it was out of sight out of mind. It just wasn't that big of a deal. Until now. Look at me _now_. I've made dire decisions with the last few years of my life because of the distorted view I've had of proper relationships.

I didn't think that I would have the nerve to tell him how much it all bothered me now, but I knew that in order to get past this, I had to start at the roots. I had to talk to my dad about all of this.

So I picked up the phone and called him.

We met for lunch. I told him everything. He rightly wanted to kill Jake, but at the same time, he knew that wasn't why I was there. He allowed me to give it to him. He deserved it. He took it, he cried over it, and he accepted my anger like the patient father that he is. In the end, I felt somewhat relieved and guilty for being so brazen, but his embrace, his over and over "Bells, I'm so sorry honey. You mean the world to me," felt so warm and promising. They felt secure. They gave me hope and a tiny bit of closure as well.

I can get past this.

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

The next day my flight lands around three pm and I go straight to the rental counter to get a car. My fingers twitch while filling out the forms and I silently praise myself for remembering my proof of insurance.

My license is copied, a car is pulled around for me, and the keys are in my hand. I arrive at the Phoenix Hilton twenty minutes later.

The short fuck at the check in counter is begging to get clocked as he stalls and stalls to get me checked in. Do I need to jump the fucking counter and do his job for him? I can type. Pretty sure that's the only skill I need to check myself into this motherfucker.

Ten minutes later I toss my duffel bag onto the bed in the stale bedroom and walk straight to the windows to pull the curtains. I need a drink.

In the lounge, I run into friends I haven't seen in years. Tyler is insistent upon buying another round, though I've told him several times nah, that's alright, I'm about to head out. I just want to get to the cemetery. I need to talk to her. Nevertheless, four rounds and forty five minutes of 'remember that time' later, I'm heading out the door with Tyler and Mike "Radar" Newton to the Avalon. We used to call Mike "Radar" because he would always be with whoever had the drugs. Fucker had a sixth sense for where the drugs were.

Mike and Tyler haven't changed. Both are twenty three year old fuck nuts that sell stock and pick up sluts for a living. Not my thing but I'll tag along. Anything is better than thinking about it. Thinking about what she's doing right now and if it will be three more weeks before I see her again.

On the ride there, they pass a Gatorade back and forth and hand it to me. Tyler hands me a white pill and tells me to swallow it. I know what it is. I've taken it before. Never been big on ecstasy, but tonight, it feels like a tiny round savior sitting in my palm, so I toss it back with warm, backwashed Gatorade and don't think twice about it.

I'm not the type to dose fake ass, manufactured chemicals. I'm also not the type to sit and grovel. Tonight's alternative is ecstasy and a club. Whatever it takes to get out of my head; just for tonight. Three weeks without Bella has all but driven me crazy and I'm on the brink of a) losing my shit or b) fucking everything up by tearing her door down and demanding she speak with me.

We arrive at the club and find a spot of connected couches and a table in the corner. I make myself comfortable while the guys scan the crowd. The club is large, three levels. Plush couches, marble floors and glass walls surround me. White lights glow behind each bar as the trance pushes up through the floor. A few people notice me and stop by for small talk and that's just what they get. Not fucking here to visit these people.

Thirty minutes later the pain is numb and the music envelops me.

I trade my vodka and tonic for a bottle of water. I haven't moved. I'm not here to get some ass, talk and dance with the crowd, or to woo a client. I'm here to forget. Another hour goes by as I lose myself in the night.

My back is pressed against the leather backed cushion, against the wall, as I watch the lights dance. I hold tight to the water bottle in my hands as sweat beads around my forehead.

Synthetic euphoria streams through my veins trying to give me reprieve from a day I no longer wish to remain a part of.

A waitress whizzes by with shots and champagne on her tray, none of which I'm interested in and that's when I see her headed for me. She's had her eyes on me all night. She's exotically beautiful, model height, and her body is inviting.

Break beats slam and the winding bass weaves its transparent arms all around me. Strong, sick ass, seductive sounds surround me; whispering sweet untruths. False promises of an enhanced ego and a larger-than-life night, over and over, are subliminally delivered.

Fucking lies.

Even the music lies to me. Through my drug induced high I reach out and embrace the first glimmer of hope and comfort I have had in three weeks.

For just a moment, I contemplate the invitation. For just a moment.

_Go ahead. It's just one fuck. Doesn't mean anything. You could take her in the women's restroom and hike her up against the stall door. She's got nice tits and she looks like the type that swallows. No one will know. You'll never see this chick again. It will help you forget the pain. It will make it better._

Her naked, mocha-skinned belly writhes and undulates in silent provocation. The dangling jewel entices with each move her body makes. The lights glow from behind the curves of her sides, her eyes stare with want as she sways.

An abysmal, animalistic, selfish urge lurks and tugs as I study her.

A tiny voice of truth whispers through the melodic fallacy and the chemical deceit, and I gain control. The moment of temptation passes as I rise and walk to the men's room.

She is no different than all of the other snake charmers in this place. She offers me nothing but an empty fuck, a few long spurts and a guilty conscience. I know her kind. She is out for a fat dick and a good time, to temporarily take her mind off her meaningless life.

As good as a quick, dirty fuck, with a beautiful girl and no strings attached would feel at the moment, it won't feel as good as a clean conscience when I see Bella again and I'm not about to fuck up what I may have with her.

I'm not positive that Bella isn't out fucking around, but something tells me she just needs time… not another relationship. I also feel sure that she will come back to me. The last thing I want is to have to tell her I fucked around while she was figuring her shit out.

None of these bitches in here come close to Bella. They don't light up my soul with their smiles. They don't make my fucking heart race. Bella is it for me. If I have learned anything in this God forsaken time away from her, it's that I won't ever be the same after her.

I splash water on my face and grab a few paper towels after looking into the mirror, at the ridiculous size of my pupils. A few obnoxious guys bump into me as I walk out of the restroom but it doesn't bother me. I find comfort in knowing that as soon as I reach the exit I will be on my way to talk to my mom.

I hail a cab and give the address to the cemetery. I roll the window down and let the air hit my face. My senses are so heightened from the chemical comfort I've consumed. The air feels so good on my face.

_So damn good._

I lay my head back and close my eyes as we ride. What seems like mere seconds later, the cab pulls to a stop and I ask him for a few minutes; to please wait for me. He obliges and I step out into the newborn morning air.

The tall lamp posts light up their sections accordingly, giving off small buzzing sounds. Aside from the wind, those are the only sounds I hear besides my footsteps as I come closer to her headstone.

Elizabeth Marie Masen. Her plot is bare. It had been months since I visited and it hurts. The guilt for not being here hurts.

I sit on her stone and I let it rain. I pour years of missing her and months of not being here from my grey clouds and let it wash the surface of her cold stone. Question after question pours as she speaks back to me through my subconscious. I get the answers I've come for and I tell her goodbye. Again.

XxXxXx

The next morning finds me at the bank, collecting money that has sat untouched for three years now. Lucky for me, my mother was smart and invested her savings, as well as purchased plenty of supplemental insurance policies on top of her whole life policies. In the end, I remember the attorney telling me that she had five separate whole life policies on top of her supplemental policies which paid out lump sums as well. I didn't know shit about insurance or how it paid but after seeing seven figures become my own, I felt like it might be a good time to start paying attention to it.

I leave the bank with a free feeling. I pop the locks on the tiny ass rental car and think about the amount of freedom I have and how much time I have left to live my life. This is my beginning. I have to do something with my fucking life. I can't live with Emmett in a three bedroom split level for the rest of my life. I can't stay inside and fucking wonder if a woman is ever going to return my feelings while I let my life pass me by. My mom was so fucking young. Just coming back here makes me realize just how much time has already passed since she has been gone and it is crucial now, that I make moves.

The rental clerk from Enterprise dispatches a driver to pick up my rental at the Phoenix Land Rover dealership where I pay cash for a smoke colored 2012 LR4. I google maps the directions back to Port Angeles and don't even feel phased by the twenty six hour trip. I could drive this highway with music blaring for two weeks straight. I like to drive fast with the music blaring. It gets my shit in order.

The drive back to Port Angeles takes almost two days because I almost fall asleep at the wheel around three am on the way back. Luckily, there is a hotel close by that allows me to catch some sleep so that I can get back on the road and get home.

The truck rides smooth, and the clean, crisp smell of the interior is welcome. The sound system isn't too shabby and it keeps my mind busy in the beats. Every now and then a song will play that makes me think of Bella. That first time I saw her in the bathroom, the night I whispered in her ear how beautiful she looked and how she looked at me with surprise as I looked her in the eye and spoke low and sincere. I asked her "Does your boyfriend tell you you're beautiful?" and she just blushed and looked up at me all starry eyed while answering "No," and standing dazed and stone still when I replied with "Well, he should," as I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, letting my pointer finger linger on her neck, "Because you're beautiful, Bella." My finger trailed from behind her ear down her neck and across her shoulder as I stared into her eyes, walking away before anyone could catch on to our small moment of affection.

Rest Area in one mile. I've got to pee like a motherfucker, thank God.

I fly into the Rest Area, screeching to a stop in a parking place. I don't like to stop when I'm traveling. I sometimes challenge myself to see how long I can go. This is fucking ridiculous. I realize this now as I sprint to the men's stall.

I spot my new ride as I come out of the Rest Area and it excites me. I like this feeling and it makes me want to talk to her.

I reverse much more slowly than I pulled in just minutes ago and I'm back on the highway, headed home.

I decide to call Bella. It's been three weeks since I've seen her, two since I've had communication with her; surely this isn't breaking any rules.

I peck at the keys while glancing back at the road every other number.

One ring. Two rings.

"Hello?"

Triumph.

"Bella."

Silence.

"Edward? She inhales and breathes out a "Hey."

She sounds so tiny and bashful. She sounds beautiful.

"Bella..."

"Edward..."

We both speak at the same time. A little bit of awkward silence is broken by her laugh and I speak up.

"Let me see you tonight."

"What?" She sounds surprised.

"Tell me that you'll let me see you tonight." As I speed up in anticipation of what she'll say, I hear something drop in the background. She's spilled whatever was in her hands or knocked something over.

"Ok... um. Alright, what time?" I hear the phone moving against her as she picks up whatever mess she's made.

She's nervous.

I like it.

"That depends. I'm going eighty right now, but if you've missed me, as much as I've missed you, I can bump it up to ninety. That should get me there in about three hours."

She laughs her sexy little laugh and everything inside me awakens. I've missed her so fucking much that I would give anything to climb through this phone to be there with her, right now.

"Edward, I'm so sorry about the way that I left th..."

I cut her off.

"Don't apologize for anything. Just tell me you'll let me see you tonight."

"Of course, I will." She breathes in. "I mean, I want to see you too. I've missed you. So much."

"Yeah?" I smile.

"Yeah."

I palm myself, pressing down the hardness that struggles for more space.

"Do you know how many times I've smelled you on my sheets, felt your lips in my dreams and wished that I could slide inside you, since you left me, Bella?"

* * *

><p>AN: I know that I said within the week but I suck and this chapter was a bitch and just not fun to write because it was a transitional growth. Surprisingly, I'd rather be writing lemons. (never thought I'd say that) SereneinNC is my betaboss she murdered this chapter with her sexy red pen. I'm not worthy of her. Thank you so much to ALL of you who have left me reviews that make my heart smile. Some of you just really "get" the essence of these two and damn, that touches my heart. Thanks to surething302 for prereading and being there, Nicffwhisperer for her constant support and encouragement, and thank you to all who pimp this on twitter and facebook and who, favorite and alert, you guys... oh, you guys. Come and chat with me on twitter - PAWsPeaches- Shout out to Bassnectar for Edward's club inspiration.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine and I don't boycott fanfiction, ever. Just sayin'.**

**Warning: This chapter contains abuse- please stop right here if that's a hard limit for you.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 15: Echo<strong>

Three weeks since I've laid eyes on her and she looks more beautiful now than before. Her hair picks up, billowing in the wind. I like the way it dreamily brushes against her soft shoulders. Light glows all around her as her eyes burn bright. She has the face of an angel; a _true_ angel.

She doesn't say a word as I come closer. Standing still, she smiles softly while I make my way, the pull of her luminescence drawing me in. Her light shines brighter and brighter, illuminating further out from her core, with each gravitational tug that brings me in to her. It's taking so long to get to her.

_So_ long.

Her hands lift to meet mine as I come within reach. Her eyes express that she is peaceful and happy with our transcendence.

Ten fingers reach out to touch hers and I'm taken over. One soul hijacked by another; we are now two made one.

I hear her thoughts, feel her feelings and the love, the love overwhelms. Just like in my room, she still overwhelms me as her beautiful soul is laid out for me to see.

The sweetest, most delicate laugh sounds aloud and inside as bodies collide for an embrace.

No need for words. We won't need those anymore.

Not _here_.

But I speak and she says the words as well. And I want to hear it always. I want to hear her say it everyday, everyday of this infinite life we've been given.

This is our forever, no matter how we got here, it's essentially what we've always wanted.

To love and to be loved, _forever_.

This is _our_ forever.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I whizzed past the Port Angeles sign in record time; just thinking about seeing her again added weight to my foot. The new ride not only drove great, but it was comfortable too, and though I was tired as hell from the drive, I couldn't wait to get to her. She'd sounded so sweet on the phone. I missed her small voice, her soft touch and goddamn, I missed her lips. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't hoping to get it in tonight. My pants tightened as I imagined pressing a long, slow thrust into her, feeling her squeeze around me as I pulled out and then thrusted quickly, deep inside. I wanted to be inside her again. Give it to her good and remind her of what we have, how much time we've missed.

I decided to stop by the house and shower just in case we made it that far. I figured that I should at least smell decent for her since I didn't look so hot.

The sun was going down as I pulled into the driveway. Emmett's car wasn't there so I figured he was at Rose and Bella's. It felt good to be back. Port Angeles was home and I was finally cool with moving on from Arizona. It felt amazing actually, to have all my options open for me.

I parked as close to the garage as I could so that if Emmett did come flying in, not expecting this truck to be here, he hopefully wouldn't hit it. And then I decided that maybe I should just text him a heads up instead since he doesn't pay attention like he should, I shouldn't just trust him to notice a bigass new vehicle in our driveway. Fucker looks at his phone way too much while driving.

I hopped out, grabbing my bag, and punched in a text to Emmett letting him know that I was home, not to rear end the new ride if he came home.

The screen door screeched as I pulled it open to stick my key in the lock. I stepped into the house and couldn't see shit, save for the fading daylight coming in from where I stood. I tossed my bag onto the table and let the screen door swing closed behind me. I took heavy steps through the dark house to the staircase. I could smell the trash. It was obvious that Emmett hadn't been here much either. I didn't feel like fucking with the trash so I just left it and climbed the dark stairs leading straight to my bedroom to grab some clothes.

Even in the dark I could see that my room was still a mess, clothes tossed over my chair, messy sheets on the bed, empty liquor bottles and ashtrays all around. I needed to clean it up, but that would have to wait. My only agenda was getting back to Bella. I reached for the knobs of the closet doors and watched as they scrolled open. I felt around for the string hanging from the ceiling to turn the light on.

Empty hangers and clothes half on them dangled in front of me as I contemplated what to wear for her. I pushed hangers aside until I found a soft, black v-neck and quickly jerked it off the hanger. I reached above to the top shelf and grabbed a pair of folded jeans before going to my dresser for some boxers.

I scooted some of the glasses and bottles out of the way to make room to lay my clothes and made a mental note to hire a maid. Stat. I couldn't bring Bella back here with my room like this. Jesus, I'd really let myself go in the last three weeks. Time away from her had really done a number on me. Thank God, I'd get to see her again. Thank God our time away from each other was over.

The first drawer I looked through was nothing but socks and shit I'd shoved in it to keep off of the dresser. I pulled the middle drawer open, praying I had some clean shit to wear and that's when I got the feeling that I wasn't alone. That's when the hair on the back of my neck stood and I heard the floor creak behind me while shuffling through the drawer.

He cleared his throat and without looking, I knew who was behind me.

"You think you've got her, don't you; that you two will be together."

His voice, paired with my sleep deprivation, made me irrational. Visions of ending him flashed through my mind. I could feel the bones in his neck pop as I turned and snapped it in one swift, circular motion. His voice broke through my crazed thoughts as he paced behind me. I stood still.

"How does it feel, to love someone that you'll never have, E?"

I turned around and leaned back against my dresser, propping both hands on the edge and looked him in the eye. "You forget how to use a phone or you just feeling extra stalkerish tonight, Jake?"

What was with this guy? I wasn't in the mood for his shit. I was all fine and despite the long ass day of driving, I was in a good mood, ready to go see Bella and then Jake decides to "pop in" and go all stalkerazzi on me. I didn't have time for his fake-ass shenanigans, so rather than arguing with him, I would just let him get out whatever he needed to so that I could get on with my night.

He took two steps closer to me and though only the light from my closet was on, I could tell that his eyes were red. He looked a little crazy, quite frankly.

"I'm just here to tell you that you'll never have her."

"I take that back, you're obviously feeling extra delusional tonight." I'd had enough. Short- tempered and impatient with his attitude, I took my hands off the dresser, grabbed the boxers that I needed, and side-eyed him while speaking. "Look, I appreciate your sweet gesture of waiting for me in my bedroom, but, I'm not interested. I don't swing that way and I've got plans. So, feel free to let yourself out, buddy."

I stuck my hand out, gesturing towards the door, willing him to get the fuck out.

I could see the hate in his eyes as he stood there and glared at me. We both remained still, eyes locked, one on the other. He wasn't going anywhere, so we just stood there, one waiting on the other to make a move.

"I fucking loved her, E." He punched himself on the side of his face as he said the words.

What the fuck? Is this shit really happening? I don't even know what to do with this right now.

"I loved her and you went behind my back and fucked her. I thought we were boys?" He lifted another balled fist to the other side of his face and pounded his other cheek. Then he looked at me with disappointment and betrayal on his face.

Besides the fact he was being insane, I, for some reason (probably because I was a little off due to lack of sleep) felt like I could convince him to save both of us some blood and just get out while he still could.

I stepped up to him remaining at a respectable distance and looked him straight in the eye. He needed to know that he was crossing the line. "At what point in this day did you think that breaking into my house, waiting like a lunatic stalker in my bedroom for me, and giving me a guilt trip, was a good idea, Jake? We aren't boys, we never were."

"Fuck you." He spit straight in my face.

I deserved it, but that didn't mean he'd get away with it. My patience was officially gone and I snapped.

I grabbed him by the throat and picked him up just a little, enough to get him eye level with me. "You've got about three seconds to get the fuck out of my house before I feed you your teeth." His face was turning purple as my grip pressed stronger and he struggled, trying to grab at my wrist with both of his hands. He was no match for me. His eyes were red rimmed and blood shot as they bored into my own and I added my other hand around his throat because he was a little heavy, I noticed a little bit of blood on his hands as he grabbed at mine, but I dismissed it with my next thought.

"I tell you what I'm gonna do for you. I'm gonna put you down and allow you to walk out of here. Make no mistake about this though, Jake," I brought my face so close that my nose was almost touching his, "I will rip your throat out if you say one more fucking word or make one wrong move." I let go, dropping him just the few inches back to the floor and giving him a decent shove backwards. "Get the fuck out."

He bent forward, grabbing his throat and gasped for air, coughing, once he inhaled. I walked away from him towards my bathroom. My arm shook from holding him up as I reached to turn the light on.

I heard him following behind and just as I began to turn back to him a sound ripped through me, so loud that my ears felt like they might be bleeding. The light flickered on as I bent over to brace myself against the bathroom counter. Everything was strobing.

Black and white.

Black and white

Flash

Flash

Flash

My heart was racing, pain was searing and I was fading. My eyes struggled to see as my vision blurred. My knees failed to hold me up as I sank. I sank to the floor and grabbed my chest.

My wet chest.

There was so much blood. Fuck, the bastard had gotten me and I couldn't find the strength to fight for my fucking life. To fight for her. So sleepy. So cold. I was just. so. weak.

Blink.

Hold on, don't let it take you, I told myself as I struggled to stay awake.

Blink.

Don't close your eyes.

I let my head hit the floor, finding rest there and couldn't hold my eyes open any longer. My eyes fell closed as the life inside of me stilled.

Flashes of Bella, her angel face, flickered through my mind as all sound became mute, all feelings became numb, my body became weightless and my world faded to black.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

BPOV

My phone showed that two hours had passed since we spoke. I was nervous about seeing you again. It was a good nervous, though.

The kind of nervous that made my belly feel like I was free falling.

I was just so happy that you called. I mean, eventually I was going to call. I just didn't know what I was going to say. Because what we have is kind of strange.

I laughed at myself as I thought about us. It was like, I knew you better than anyone, but not at all at the same time. I mean, hell, we barely knew each other, to be honest. But, I loved you already, I loved you with a certainty, no matter how little we knew about each other. From the time we spent in your room that night, it sure felt like you loved me too.

Whenever I was around you I felt pure elation. To just be breathing your air, made me happy. I just wanted to be with you. That's all I really wanted.

I was so nervous about seeing you again that I couldn't decide what to do with my hair so I just let it air dry, to give it the beachy look, and grabbed a pretty black dress. Besides, if you wanted to touch me like I was hoping you would, I wanted you to have easy access. Three weeks felt like it had been so long.

I checked my phone again for the twentieth time, just to see if I'd gotten a text from you since we last talked. Just a few from Jake. Typical.

Delete

Delete

Delete

I wanted to wear lipstick for you so I looked through my makeup bag and realized that I'd left it in my car. I tip-toed down the hall, to the wash room and slid on my converse while opening the side door that lead to our driveway.

Stepping outside, I noticed that the flowers needed watering. A few were leaning, some of the leaves were wilting, and some of them were just slumping over like they'd given up on me taking care of them anymore. So, I decided I would be responsible, and I turned to go back inside to grab some water for them. That's when I saw him.

I was so caught off guard that I let out a scream and immediately his hand shot out to cover my mouth, his other hand reached to bind my arms behind my back and I was spun back around in a flash. I could feel blood pulsing through my veins. The blood pump pump pumped so hard that I was sure you could see the rising of my flesh from feet away. He brought his lips to my ear from behind as the fear seeped from every pore in my body.

"This won't take long. I just want to talk."

I breathed deep breaths from my nose as the panic rose in my chest. My arms were bound much tighter now as we moved closer to his car which was still running.

My mouth was released, the back door opened and he pushed me inside. My shins hit the running board before I lifted to get in and the pain shot down each leg. I felt my eyes watering as I lifted my knee to the floorboard.

His hands held tight to my arms as I waited, bent over in between the front and back seats. He pulled the door closed behind him.

I was shoved into the seat as the door slammed and he turned to look at me. My back burned against the seat and the desperation in his eyes was alarming when he spoke.

"Why couldn't you have just forgiven me, Bella? You know I didn't mean it."

The look on his face scared me; I'd never seen that face before. The fact that he'd been crying was evident, which added even more trepidation.

I tried to sound as calm and as nice as possible as I replied.

"Jake, you don't have to force me to talk to you. Y… you can come inside."

_Where I have a phone to dial 9-1-1. _

"Why don't we go in and talk?" My voice shook and I mentally scolded myself to get it right; not to show my fear, it would only escalate the situation.

_Or make it more real._

"I could make you an ice cream float? Like you like?" I forced a smile.

He closed his eyes tight, bit his lip and leaned into me.

"Tell me you don't love me anymore, Bella. I wanna hear you say it." It wasn't even his voice coming out. He was vicious. He wasn't himself. Something was off. His hands moved to hold the sides of my face and his eyes were angry and searing into my own. His mouth was tight as he continued.

"Just fuckin' say it, Bella." He shook my head to pound his request into me. "Make this easier on me."

I didn't understand what he meant. Was he finally going to move on? Was that all he needed to hear to get past this? I felt a small dose of hope find its way to the surface and it made my chest loosen just a little. I inhaled.

"Jake…"

A tear fell from his eyes making my heart pang as his hands moved down, to touch the sides of my neck as he brought a knee over me to rest on my other side. Straddling me, essentially trapping me there in the backseat, where it all began.

Where you put your spell on me.

I wanted this all to be a bad dream. I just wanted to wake up and be excited that I would see you again soon. That you and I could start over soon, that we could finally have what we both began, in this backseat. I wanted to be excited for what we _made_, in your room.

Both of his hands rested on either side of my neck, with just the slightest grip and his fingers twitched as he waited for my words. I reached to wrap my hands around his arms, in part because I felt sorry for him, and thought that I might benefit from showing a little tenderness through my touch, and also because the combination of his hands on my neck and the look in his eyes was downright frightening.

I was scared and feeling empathy for his pain, all simultaneously. All the hate that I'd felt for him those last few weeks wasn't lost, but seeing him this way, having him near me in such a vulnerable, desperate state, and knowing that I was the cause of his grief, it moved something in me. Something that made my heart break for him. It tugged deep down inside and sprang straight to my heart.

I looked up at him, portraying gentleness in my eyes and tenderness in my tone. Speaking calm through the panic inside.

"Jake," I stroked my finger gently on his wristbone, You know I loved you. What we had was real." I spoke in past tense, trying to get the point across without saying the words he wanted me to say. The ones that felt so harsh in the moment, a moment that called for mercy, although the words were true.

His grip tightened and his face came down, closer to mine.

"Fucking say it! Just say the words, Bella. Don't bullshit around anymore." He pressed my head back into the seat harshly with the word "bullshit".

His voice was raised, stern and impatient. _So_ angry. I didn't trust that I could say the words without repercussions, so I started to cry. Tears welled up and quickly started to spill over.

I didn't know what he wanted from me.

I was so confused, and every move I made, every word I spoke, seemed to be life or death. I didn't want to make a wrong move or say something in error but my thoughts were clouded by my emotion and fear, and I couldn't think through a clear strategy.

And then his white teeth were bared and in my face. He looked like an animal.

"Don't you fucking cry, don't you fucking do it!" His knees pressed tighter against my sides. "You fucking whore! Don't" slam "you" slam "fucking" slam "cry! You fucking slut!" He slammed my head against the headrest with every word. When my head hit the headrest the third time my eyes landed on his side. I could see a gun tucked into his pants and absolute terror set in.

His voice broke and he started to cry as he wailed his next words.

"Do you love him, Bella? Huh?"

He was so close that spatters of his saliva landed on my cheek. Quickly, I was becoming more frantic, as I pressed upward with my body, trying to gain some kind of space, trying to get out of his grip. My movements never phasing, his thumbs moved their way to my windpipe as his fingers met at the back of my neck. His voice lowered and raised with intensity.

"Fucking say it! Tell me you don't love me anymore, that you love him!"

My chest was tight. My heart thundered in my chest and the tears spilled as I whimpered and plead.

"Jake," I could barely speak for his grip around my throat. My voice sounded strangled and small. "Please don't do this."

I could feel the warm wetness spread through my pants as it registered that I was peeing.

I could remember feeling like Jake wanted to kill me several times But mainly, only when he was drunk, really wasted. But this time he wasn't compromised, he was stone sober, filled only with rage. Pain, anger and the need for revenge were the only toxins he was consumed by. I could see it in his eyes. He wanted to hurt me. I could see in his eyes that he wanted my life. He wasn't going to stop until I breathed my last breath.

I grabbed and pulled at his hands, putting weight on my feet to try and move. Lifting my hips, trying to throw him off, but my efforts went to waste. He pressed with all his weight and pinned me to the seat. I was going nowhere. It was a fight that I wouldn't win.

I plead with my eyes for Jake to release me. It seemed to only encourage his rage. I clawed at his hands, trying to reach for his face, but he just held me steady.

I struggled for air as the pressure became so tight that my vision started to blur. I thought about Rose and Emmett; hoped that they would pull in with the Chinese food. I imagined the look on Emmett's face when he saw Jake's car in the driveway. Then your face suddenly flashed through my mind.

Flashes of all the small moments we shared before that last long night we spent together in your room.

"_Meet me on the golf course, by the boulder, in fifteen minutes." You whispered as I finally moved out of your way, from where I had hung backwards on the ladder, blocking you from getting out of the pool._

_At first, I was just being playful. I was flirting too, but you were serious, ready to make your move. The soft little touches here and there... the sweet, curious and longing looks we'd given each other... you were ready to explore them. You dared to take a risk with me... by asking me to meet you. And I did. As soon as you left the pool that day I was a livewire, full of thrill and anticipation. _

_I told the guys I had to use the restroom and walked toward the clubhouse. They were playing volleyball in the water, had a good game going, they weren't paying me any attention. The score was seven-all and they were all serious about 'setting' and 'take that motherfucker'. _

_I ran as fast as I could through the clubhouse entrance and across the cold tile. I knew we only had about ten minutes. I didn't think about anything. About busting my ass if I fell, about what would happen if we were caught, about what would come of it, I just ran into the clubhouse, through to the otherside, and opened the door that lead to the golfcourse. I carefully toe stepped down the stone stairs, onto the wooden walkway and down the sandy path, dodging the pebbles and pine needles as I padded my way, barefoot, onto the lush, green grass. I cut straight across to the edge of the green where the huge boulder sat, nestled in the tall tree line, and raised high above the course._

_I breathed hard and gripped my towel while running under the setting sun just beyond me, out in the distance. _

_There were no golfers in sight as far as I could see, in either direction, just a few birds out. _

_Chills and excitement swam through my veins as the lush grass tickled the bottoms of my feet. I reached the edge of the green, where the boulder sat, heavy and huge, at least two stories tall. I looked up, tilting my head far back to see if you had climbed to sit on top, like we all sometimes did at night. _

_You weren't there so I held the squeal of the anticipation of finding you inside as I quietly rounded to the other side of it where I thought you must be waiting. If you had jumped out at me, we would've both been found out, because I would have screamed so loud that the surrounding community and everyone in the pool would have heard. I was on sensory overload at that moment._

_I continued to quietly make my way around, reaching out to feel the solid rock as I held my towel to my chest with one hand. A tiny little buzz ran through me as I came upon you. We were both now on the other side of the boulder, shaded from the sun, out of view from the course, from the clubhouse, from being caught. The large stone towered above us as I quietly came closer to you while you sat, fully clothed, towel dried hair, looking through your phone. _

_You looked up when you felt my presence and jumped up on your feet when our eyes met. No smile. All serious face as you walked to meet me._

_Nervous flips. Circus in my stomach. Gulp._

_I stepped closer to you and there it was. That smile that lit a fire beneath me, inside of me, all-the-fuck around me. _

_"Hey."_

_"Hey." I giggled and took a nervous breath. You stepped closer, towering over me, making my heart speed up, closing the distance between us. _

_Your hands reached to grab my hands that were in the middle of my chest, holding my towel there, holding anything to keep me from crawling out of my own skin at that moment. Just holding myself inside of myself basically. _

_You took my hands in yours, letting my towel drop, bringing my hands to your abs. Solid and warm under your soft cotton shirt. My thumbs unconsciously moved to rub over your muslcles as your hands moved to my shoulders. _

_Wow. You're so assertive. _

_This is it. _

_This is it. _

_THIS is it. _

_I was psyching myself out._

_Tingles everywhere_

_Your eyes were soft and your smile made me feel safe as you spoke low. _

_"I just wanna try one thing." Nervous thrills bubbled up from my belly as your fingers lightly grazed from the tips of my shoulders down to the inside of my elbows while you spoke to me. My toes wiggled and I alternated my weight from foot to foot with anticipation. _

_"Just stay still," You licked your lips and it made me want to taste them so bad. You leaned down, closer to me, allowing me to see just how electric blue-green your eyes were. How the outer edge was just a bit darker, how it made a ring around your irises and how they sparkled with color. It hit me right between my legs. Something about the look in your eyes. I watched your mouth in slow motion as you leaned... "Stay very still."_

"Stay fucking still, you slut!"

The realization of my whereabouts sank in. I wasn't at the golfcourse with you. I was in Jake's backseat, going in and out of consciousness. Everything was blurry.

I wanted to go back to my memory, I wanted out, out of this nightmare. I tried to block out the reality of what was happening. Tried to forget Jake's voice and replace it with your melody. Wanted to forget Jake's grip and replace it with your electric feel, your flaming caress.

I closed my eyes tight and thought about that kiss. How it felt when you leaned in, so slow after asking me to 'just stay still, stay very still' and if it was alright if you kissed me. I pushed out of the torment and blocked the pain as I thought about how you made me feel.

_Your lips were so close and I could feel your breath on my face. "Can I kiss you, Bella?" _

_I didn't answer, I just brought my lips to yours and stood on my tiptoes to wrap my hands behind your neck- to feel that soft, damp hair there._

_So plump and so soft. I had never kissed a set of lips so soft. And your silky tongue made me crazy. As soon as your tongue peeked out to lick at my lips I was gone. Ravenous and crazy for you. I gripped and pulled at you, just wanting you closer as I opened my eyes to see your eyes crinkling in the corners while you laughed at me, kissing me still. I couldn't help it. I laughed too._

_Happiness. _

_I just wanted time to stop, right there on that golf course as we shared our first kiss. As you picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around your waist as you held my legs, wrapping your arm around my back. What you said to me when you leaned back to look at my face, while you spoke made my heas spin dizzy circles of euphoria._

_"I knew it, you know?"_

_"What?" I knew what you were going to say. I just wasn't going to admit it._

_"That you wouldn't be still like I asked of you. Because you want me..." Kiss... your mouth trailed kisses from mine, down to my neck, to my chest... "Just as much as I want you." I closed my eyes and reveled in your sweet words. They made me soar, made me want you even more. _

_You continued to speak soft as you peppered my collarbones with silk soft open mouth kisses. "I've wanted you since the first time I saw you."_

_I leaned my head onto your shoulder and placed my mouth on your neck as I rubbed desperately through your hair. I wanted closer._

_Your kisses came back up to my mouth and our tongues tangled and hands roamed until we were both out of breath as you put me down, with my back facing the rock. Both of your hands stretched on either side of me, holding me against the rock._

_"Give me your number. I want to be able to call you. Can I call you?"_

_Kiss, I just wanted to kiss you. "Yes. God, yes." _

_Another kiss left me feeling lightheaded and then I was tossed back into reality as you handed me your phone and told me that I should be getting back, that you didn't want to cause trouble for me._

_How could you even think straight after those kisses we shared? I mean, truthfully, it was I who should have remembered that I had a boyfriend just across the golfcourse that thought I was using the restroom, but instead I was here, standing awestruck and lovestoned in front of a six-foot-four, giant-size mass of beautiful man. A beautiful man that made my insides flip, my heart smile and brought out a thrill in me that I'd never felt before._

_My fingers shook as I pressed my number into your phone as the idea that anyone could walk up on us right then, settled into me and suddenly, I was a paranoid, lovesick freak._

_I handed your phone back to you, but felt so shy to look you in the eye. I gave myself away in that kiss. I relayed just how much I really liked you. I wasn't entirely comfortable with you yet and hadn't prepared to let you know it so soon. But now you knew. You knew just what you did to me. _

_"Hey." Your finger lifted my chin as your body came into mine once more. "You're beautiful, you know that, right?" _

_I just bit my lip and smiled while wrapping my hand around your wrist as you leaned in to kiss me once more. _

_Soft sweet kiss_

_"I could kiss you all night. Mmmmm." You hummed and pressed your forehead to mine. _

_"Can I call you tonight?"_

_Smile._

_"Yes."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Yeah."_

"Yeah, that's right, go to sleep bitch."

The weight on top of me seemed heavier now and the pressure so tight that my chest seemed to be ripping from the inside out. I felt as if I was literally coming out of my skin. Just when the pain was so great, so hot that I thought my threshold was met, I would feel more. More ripping and tearing from inside my chest where my lungs fought for air, my heart fought for blood.

My vision, my hearing, all of my senses caved as a deep exhale sounded. There was no fight left in me. The black closed in. Like looking through a lens, the shutter slowly closed, until there was nothing but black.

Silence.

Stillness.

Time passed as the black calm settled and morphed into sky blue.

Little bubbles of blue calm lightly drifted down, sprinkling a layer to eventually cover and surround me.

Peacefulness whispered through me as the glistening calm bubbles lifted me up, making me weightless.

Thoughts of a past life sprang to mind as I thought about where I was and where I was going.

I'd always heard that in those last moments of your life, you'd see a light. And supposedly, if you followed the light, it would lead you to heaven.

I floated there, in the glistening calm, and waited for the light to take me.

I lied there waiting, with arms dangling to my side, enjoying the free feeling; how light my body was, how beautiful the feeling felt.

I lied there waiting on my light.

Slowly, ever so slowly, it inched closer. It appeared as just a glimmering star. Light-years away it seemed, moving slowly as it gradually got bigger, gravitating towards me.

I was so content lying there. No longer fearful, anxious or panicked, I was happy. I waited for my light as it neared, coming closer, so much closer now. So much bigger now. So much brighter it shined. I bent my knees and moved so that I was upright. So that I effortlessly stood.

The light, so close then, took it's shape just a quarter-sky away and I saw it's rays. It's copper rays and it's crystal blue-green hues. I saw it's silky sweet pink smile. I saw my _light_.

My light inched closer and closer as my smile grew and your wind moved my hair. Happiness buzzed all around as you came into me.

Your glow was warm and your love was heavy all around as I raised my arms to you.

Never had I seen a man so exquisite.

Your fingers touched mine and two become one. Electrons exploded within us and all around as our senses and souls collided. A supernova of everlasting love burst in celebration of our unity. An infinite bond, now divine. A love, simply unimaginable and inconceivable, revealed to us as we stood happy and within our forever.

"I missed you." I heard myself say without speaking the words and you heard them. "I love you." I too, heard your words without you saying them. You knew my love, as well, as you looked at me. The feelings enraptured as I reached to bring our lips together.

I felt it all, I heard your thoughts. How much you adored me. How happy you were. How beautiful I looked right then. I watched you as you explored my mind, and I felt the elation as I searched yours, seeing that you knew that I loved you as well, without my words, though I spoke them again anyway. "I love you."

"Promise me you'll say that, out loud, every day of forever." You smiled through a kiss as our tongues danced, our hands tangled and our hearts merged.

You squeezed my hand and we drifted closer to our destination. Together.

Closer to our forever.

**THE END**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: SereneinNC is my betaboss and I owe her so much. Many thanks to Suzie55 and Surething302 for prereading this chapter and giving me the guts to proceed with this ending. I'll start off by saying that I know a lot of you won't be happy with this ending. I'm prepared for the flames, for anything really. I'll also let you know that I won't sell out on this, you won't find me loading an alternate ending because THIS is how it's always ended for me. Their love isn't fit for this earth, it just never was. I could have stretched this out and given you jobs, marriage, kids, the stresses of life, osteoporosis, arthritis, and old age that makes Edward limp but I'm not that dedicated and none of that stuff is sexy to me. To be honest, the middle of this story was written before the beginning or the end. The middle was written first for a reason, because it's the most important part-the only important part to me- their intensity- how they made each other feel- that's all it's ever been about to me, so dragging this out by creating an entire story of the rest of their life to get more reviews just doesn't interest me and it wouldn't be true to my characters. I only ever wanted to capture their intensity. This is their true happily ever after and I don't know how it could get any happier than being in a divine place, with your soulmate, for infinity, with no worries and only love to share. Cliché? Absolutely, but that's the joy of fiction. I want to thank each and every one of you that shared with me by reviewing. Your reviews make my heart rate pick up and they put a smile on my face, so thank you, thank you, thank you. To all of you who pimp this, tweet this and facebook this- gah, you guys, just thanks. If you aren't reading Blind Spot by FictionFreak95 or Dusty by yellowbella you are truly missing out on some of the best fanfiction/best stories ever written- Go read those if you want to have all the feelings. Again, thank you so much to all who have left love, alerted and fav'd and thank you so much for reading:) I'll just be over here, hiding from Nicffwhisperer *bites nails*- Thanks for reading, everyone. With love, - M**


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